Back when I worked for Marvel Comics in the ’70s, the Dreaded Deadline Doom was (to steal a phrase Stan Lee often used in comics) wreaking havoc. Late writers and artists were resulting in thousands of dollars in penalty fees from the printer. And it was no fun for readers either, who wanted their comics on time. The only ones who benefited were beginning writers like me, who thanks to Marvel’s attempts to prevent those delays from messing up publishing schedules got to write fill-ins and back-ups.

That’s how I got to script issues of Master of Kung Fu and Omega the Unknown, as well as countless shorter stories, such as John Romita, Jr.’s first published piece.

But not every story I pitched or plotted made it to the page. Amazingly, there were a few, approved by editors, which were never turned in by the artists, creating their own Dreaded Deadline Doom. You wouldn’t think a new artist would blow a chance to get published by Marvel, but several did.

One pitch, however, meant for a fill-in issue of Marvel Team-Up, never made it to an artist, for it was presumably rejected. I have no memory of the circumstances, and only know that it was submitted on August 14, 1978 because that’s the date written on it.

As it’s the only Marvel method plot in existence for any of my published comics (none of my DC Comics full scripts survive either), I thought it worth sharing here to give some idea of how I worked back then, when I was 23 and still trying to figure out how to write comics. (And just in case it’s not obvious—the images below that I grabbed to break up the text here were not a part of my original proposal.)

And so …

Spider-Man’s Lonely Hearts Club Fans!

SPLASH: Spidey is swinging by the main branch of the New York City Post Office. His patrol is interrupted by a cry for help coming out of an upper window of the building.

THE STORY CONTINUES: Spidey-sense tingling, Spidey swings in the window. From inside we see a costumed goon with a futuristic gun on either side of the window. Spidey, still holding onto the webbing, does a split-kick, knocking each thug back off his feet. Spidey sees no sign of the person he’d heard cry for help just seconds before, and he thinks this odd. Spidey disarms the crooks with webbing and a tug. He grabs an empty mail sack and then, flipping over so that his feet are holding him to the ceiling directly above the two crooks’ heads. he grabs them by the scruff of their necks and stuffs them in the sack as they protest:

“Wait, Spider-Man, you don’t understand— ”

“I only understand that something wacky’s going on here!” says Spidey, as he holds the sack out the upper story window and begins questioning the crooks. Suddenly, from behind Spidey, a dry, cracked, withered, and shaking voice says:

“Stop that right now, y’hear, you young whippersnapper!” (more…)

Internet, you have disappointed me.

Wait … let me back that up a bit.

I’m not sure exactly when I fell in love with James Beard. Perhaps it was in the early ’70s while reading his wonderful American Cookery, in which he went off on a rant about how today’s chickens (well, the chickens of 40 years ago) just weren’t what they used to be—

Few have the delicate, delicious flavor of the old barnyard chicken, which may not have been raised so pristinely and plucked so cleanly but tasted of chicken and had excellent texture. … They come to the market uniform in size, uniform in color, and uniform in lack of real flavor. They require a good deal of seasoning to give them any character, and they fail to produce a rich broth.

I loved that curmudgeonliness! Beard’s commentary surrounding the recipes were (and continue to be) as interesting as the recipes themselves.

But that’s not what brings me here today. (more…)

I always knew, in a general way, that “If You Go Away” was based on Jacque Brel’s “Ne me quite pas,” but I had no idea what a pale shadow it was until I was sent down the YouTube rabbit hole by the season finale of The Leftovers, which featured Nina Simone’s brilliant take on the original. (Note that the clip below containing moments of the bloody aftermath of a suicide, so trigger warning.)

That led me to seek out a complete performance of Simone’s version … (more…)

A new month begins, and so it’s once more time to harvest the previous month’s dreams as shared on Twitter and see whether there’s any greater sense to be made of them when they’re gathered all in one place.

Last month, guest appearances were by Hodor, Henry Kissinger, Tina Fey, Mr. Bean, and more!

September 2014

I dreamt I wandered Columbus until I came upon a comics museum — NOT the Billy Ireland — and marveled at artwork which never existed IRL. Sep 30

I dreamt I was 30 Rock‘s Tina Fey, inherited $63,000, and when I heard my brother needed money, sent him $200, and felt generous about it. Sep 30

I dreamt @IreneVartanoff and I arrived home after a trip and got into a weird argument about ukuleles, details of which I don’t remember. Sep 30

I dreamt that while I was eating at @NextRestaurant, F. Brett Cox snuck in and sat down at my table, and I was afraid he’d be tossed out. Sep 30

I dreamt I went to a Taylor Swift concert with my son and was called to the stage to dance. I apologized in advance for his embarrassment. Sep 29

I dreamt I walked off with a tureen of pate from a restaurant’s refrigerator, and only after eating it ALL did I think — why did I do that? Sep 29

I dreamt I was in the hospital with a kid Human Torch, and he used his superpowers to fuse our door shut for a reason I no longer remember. Sep 29

I dreamt I was on set as Arnold Schwarzenegger and Henry Winkler filmed a movie, creating many bloopers as props continually failed them. Sep 28

I dreamt I was attending a support group of some kind when in walked fully armored Xena. Woke before learning what her problem was, though. Sep 28

I dreamt the government wanted me to register my telepathic powers, so I told them to leave me alone, that I’d make them forget I existed. Sep 28 (more…)

You’d think that lunch at The Fat Duck and dinner at Dinner would be enough Heston Blumenthal for one trip to London … but you would be wrong.

Because as we headed for home, we had time for a final Heston Blumenthal meal—in Terminal 2 at Heathrow.

I hate what you’re forced to put up with in airports. Bad Chinese food. Pizza that’s pizza in name only. BBQ that makes me cry … but in the wrong way.

So when I heard back in June that Blumenthal had opened The Perfectionists’ Café at Heathrow, with a wood-fired oven and liquid nitrogen ice cream, I knew that’s where we had to have our last meal in London. (more…)

While pulling together the files for an upcoming paperback edition of These Words Are Haunted, which is currently only available as an extremely expensive hardcover, it occurred to me I’ve written enough stories which are in one way or another homages that I could assemble a collection of them.

Here are the stories and the related authors.

Raymond Carver: “What We Still Talk About”

Charles L. Grant: “I Wish I Knew Where I Was Going”

Edgar Allan Poe: “The Trembling Living Wire”

Saki: “A Most Extraordinary Man”

William Shakespeare: “A Plague on Both Your Houses”

John Steinbeck: “Tell Me Like You Done Before”

Thornton Wilder: “Live People Don’t Understand”

In addition to those, there’s also a Shel Silverstein-inspired piece which should be out sometime soon, and could also be included.

As I think about the concept, some questions are—

Do I include “My Life is Good,” starring Randy Newman? Should a songwriter count? I think yes, but I’m not sure whether readers would agree.

How about “Goobers,” for which the inspiration wasn’t an individual author, but EC Comics as a whole? And “Fifth Dimension,” which was a tribute to Rod Serling? (As for “Stealing Alice,” I probably wouldn’t include it, even though the Alice of the title is Alice in Wonderland, because it was written so early in my career that I have no interest in seeing it in print again.)

Separate from the content questions, there’s also—do I seek a small-press publisher for this? Or put it out on my own as an ebook?

Hmmm …

Lots to think about. If you have any thoughts, please let me know.

Here it is, nearly October, and I’m about to recap a meal I had in the middle of August. Normally I’d let it go, but not when we’re talking about Dinner by Heston Blumenthal, currently ranked as the #5 restaurant in the world. We had lunch at Blumenthal’s other restaurant, The Fat Duck—currently #47 on that same list—a few days before this year’s London Worldcon, and this dinner at Dinner a few days after meant that we bookmarking our trip with Blumenthal.

The way the two restaurants differ is that the Fat Duck is like Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory, filled with tricks and over-the-top presentations, such as a mock turtle soup prepared by dissolving a gold watch in front of you, or a seafood course eaten to beach sounds piped in from an iPod-stuffed shell. But though Dinner also displays culinary magic, it’s instead in the way it serves homages to dishes throughout history, everything from Frumenty (circa 1390) to Tipsy Cake (circa 1810).

Here was my view from the six-person Chef’s Table, which I shared with Graham Sleight, David Shaw, and Diane Martin on my right, and Shana Worthen and my wife on my left.

Visible to my left through a long narrow window was the cold room in which dishes such as the famous meat fruit were prepared. These—not ours—were in the kitchen awaiting final plating as we took our seats. A series of them being brought to others tantalized us, for we wouldn’t receive ours until three dishes in. (more…)

Way back in 2008, I shared with you some Scarecrow artwork which had never been seen in U.S., since it had been created specifically for Marvel’s mid-70s’ British reprint books. But it turns out there was another piece I didn’t know about. Or rather, according to the artist, I’d known about it but had forgotten.

Andrew John Standish uploaded this post to Facebook yesterday, created by penciller Howard Bender and inker Duffy Vohland.

This originally appeared in Super Spider-Man and the Titans #216 (cover-dated March 30, 1977). As to why I have no memory of this, I imagine it’s because there was no actual Scarecrow story published in that issue, only the poster, so I never received a contributor copy.

Howard was surprised I didn’t remember it, though, because he tells me that he and Duffy showed it to me before it was published.

To which I say—hey, that was 37 years ago!

Thanks for digging this up, Andrew!

Capclave begins two weeks from today, and a preliminary draft of the program has just been released. If you can spare time from following around the three Guests of Honor—Paolo Bacigalupi, Holly Black, and Genevieve Valentine—and would rather see me pontificate, here’s where you’ll tentatively be able to find me—

The League of Substitute Heroes and the Inferior Five
Friday, October 10, 4:00 p.m.
While many people are familiar with Wonder Woman, Superman, Batman, Spiderman, Iron Man, the X-Men, and the Justice League; Marvel and DC have many other second and third tier superheroes. When DC started the Vertigo line, they had some success with reviving more obscure characters in a newer, darker, often antiheroic persona. This brought them both success (Sandman) and failure (Kid Eternity anyone?). Which more obscure and or silly DC and Marvel superheroes would you like to see revived and revamped? For instance, the Head of Programming believes it’s time for a revival of ‘mazing man, Queen’s own superhero.
with Robert Greenberger, L. Jagi Lamplighter, James Maxey, and Jay Smith

Ending Stories – Bang or Whimper?
Friday, October 10, 9:00 pm
So many short stories start out well but end abruptly or just trail off, leaving the reader to wonder, what’s the point. Why does this happen and how can writers avoid this fate? How do you determine your endings? Is a twist ending a cheat?
with Pamela K. Kinney, Dina Leacock, Alex Shvartsman, Ian Randal Strock, and Allen Wold

Why Do We Like Being Scared?
Friday, October 10, 11:00 pm
Fear probably developed as a survival mechanism. We fear things that might hurt us. Yet many read horror, go to slasher films, ride roller coasters, and climb cliffs. Why? What does this say about us and our psyches?
with Holly Black, Annette Klause, Dina Leacock, and Jon Skovron

Mass Signing
Saturday, October 11, 7:30 pm

Reading
Sunday, October 12, 1:30 pm
At which I’ll try to read my most recently sold story without crying …

Hope to see you there!

And be warned that at some point during the convention, there will be durian.

If you picked up today’s Washington Post this morning and turned to the Style section, you’d have seen a familiar name—mine!

Ron Charles, editor of the Post’s Book World, had asked me to review Ray Bradbury Unbound, the second installment in Jonathan R. Eller’s projected three-volume biography. (The first volume, Becoming Ray Bradbury, was reviewed by Michael Dirda.)

The book was not all what I expected, for it was filled with heartbreak and disappointment, and sprinkled with such phrases as “missed opportunities,” “creative dead ends,” “never materialized,” “another deeply disappointing experience,” and “marked an ultimately irreversible decline.” Perhaps a reviewer who’s not also a writer struggling to get stories written in the face of life’s endless distractions would have reacted differently.

You can read my review online at the Washington Post here. And if you do track down Eller’s book—which is certainly worth doing—please let me know how you felt about this second stage in Bradbury’s career.