{"id":12198,"date":"2014-01-05T20:16:35","date_gmt":"2014-01-06T01:16:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.scottedelman.com\/?p=12198"},"modified":"2014-01-05T20:19:48","modified_gmt":"2014-01-06T01:19:48","slug":"in-my-december-dreams-i-was-eaten-by-zombies-and-visited-my-wife-in-a-mexican-prison","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.scottedelman.com\/wordpress\/2014\/01\/05\/in-my-december-dreams-i-was-eaten-by-zombies-and-visited-my-wife-in-a-mexican-prison\/","title":{"rendered":"In my December dreams, I was eaten by zombies and visited my wife in a Mexican prison"},"content":{"rendered":"

Another year has gone by, but more importantly, another month has gone by, and so I’m once more gathering together the dreams of a previous month to see whether poetry can be made by rubbing them together.<\/p>\n

In December, I attempted to achieve Satori via a gumball machine, smuggled a Nerf ball up my nose, was eaten by zombies, visited my wife in a Mexican prison, and more.<\/p>\n

Take a look below and see whether these dreams make any more sense grouped together like this than they did one day at a time.<\/p>\n

DECEMBER 2013<\/strong><\/p>\n

I dreamt George Plimpton had gathered the members of my writers group and was teaching us an intricate dance we were to perform later.\u2028\u2028 30 Dec<\/em><\/p>\n

I dreamt I bought a pastry I’d never had before while wandering streets of a foreign country, hated it, but found nowhere to throw it out.\u2028\u2028 29 Dec<\/em><\/p>\n

I dreamt I was late for an already begun ukulele parade and was struggling into a uniform which included a medal the size of a dinner plate. \u2028\u202829 Dec<\/em><\/p>\n

I dreamt a goat was following me, and when I sat on a bench and cracked open my laptop, it pressed up against me and wouldn’t let me work.\u2028\u2028 29 Dec<\/em><\/p>\n

I dreamt my wife and I tried to cross a massive intersection — 16 lanes in each direction! — and got trapped in the middle dodging semis.\u2028\u2028 28 Dec<\/em><\/p>\n

I dreamt I wandered a mall with my mother, and she was moving so fast I couldn’t keep up with her. Which should have told me it was a dream. \u2028\u202828 Dec<\/em><\/p>\n

I dreamt I found a shop at the mall that was set up like a yard sale, selling old mags and comics. A child took my hand and wouldn’t let go.\u2028\u2028 27 Dec<\/em><\/p>\n

I dreamt my wife was in the hospital, and when she began vomiting, a nurse ushered me from the room because that was making her contagious.\u2028\u2028 27 Dec<\/em><\/p>\n

I dreamt I visited @Scalzi<\/a>, was amused by his four toddlers. He showed me his Classics Illustrated collection while we waited for pancakes.\u2028\u2028 27 Dec<\/em><\/p>\n

I dreamt I was in a spooky funhouse, moving through the dark rooms in reverse, pushing past and annoying those who were doing it correctly.\u2028\u2028 27 Dec<\/em><\/p>\n

I dreamt I repeatedly pressed a button on a machine offering rainbow gumballs which could grant Satori. But I kept only getting black ones. \u2028\u202825 Dec<\/em><\/p>\n

I dreamt I was a teacher at a private school, and in order to subvert a ban on Nerf balls, snuck one through a checkpoint up my nose.\u2028\u2028 25 Dec<\/em><\/p>\n

I dreamt that to help a mutual friend who was being hunted escape, Jon Stewart, Sandra Bullock, and I created a distraction. With tomatoes. \u2028\u202825 Dec<\/em><\/p>\n

I dreamt I was attacked and eaten by zombies while the documentary filmmakers who’d been interviewing me kept recording and didn’t help.\u2028\u2028 25 Dec<\/em><\/p>\n

I dreamt I was the Queen, greeting subjects on the palace steps. Joking with a small child, he burst into tears, and I had to comfort him.\u2028\u2028 24 Dec<\/em><\/p>\n

I dreamt I went to a hospital to apologize to the parents of a kid I’d accidentally killed. Apologizing was the right thing, but horrifying.\u2028\u2028 24 Dec<\/em><\/p>\n

I dreamt I was tracking a killer. We ended up in a shoot out, but he escaped. As a result, I got into a fistfight with John Goodman.\u2028\u2028 24 Dec<\/em><\/p>\n

I dreamt that while at a fancy dinner I realized I wasn’t as nicely dressed as everyone else, so I stripped down and changed at the table! \u2028\u202823 Dec<\/em><\/p>\n

I lost a dream because I have no idea what the final word of this scribbled night note means: TRACKED DOWN AT CON — NEEDED TO [ILLEGIBLE].\u2028\u2028 23 Dec<\/em><\/p>\n

I dreamt I was eating a so-so meal at a mall food court. At my table — Boardwalk Empire<\/em>‘s Arnold Rothstein. No idea how we knew each other.\u2028\u2028 23 Dec<\/em><\/p>\n

I dreamt Irene pointed out a guy who’d threatened her, so I got up real close and said, “If you don’t leave my wife alone, I’ll kill you.”\u2028\u2028 23 Dec<\/em><\/p>\n

I dreamt I showed Harlan Ellison a story of mine just published in a small press mag and lied about how much I got paid so he wouldn’t rant.\u2028\u2028 21 Dec<\/em><\/p>\n

I dreamt that after defeating a supervillain as Iron Man, Don Cheadle, rather than congratulating me, chastised me for risking the suit.\u2028\u2028 21 Dec<\/em><\/p>\n

I dreamt I went to brush my teeth and grabbed a bottle of mustard (why was it in the bathroom?) instead, squirting it a<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Another year has gone by, but more importantly, another month has gone by, and so I’m once more gathering together the dreams of a previous month to see whether poetry can be made by rubbing them together. In December, I attempted to achieve Satori via a gumball machine, smuggled a Nerf ball up my nose, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[12],"class_list":["post-12198","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-dreams"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.scottedelman.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12198","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.scottedelman.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.scottedelman.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.scottedelman.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.scottedelman.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=12198"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/www.scottedelman.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12198\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":12206,"href":"https:\/\/www.scottedelman.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12198\/revisions\/12206"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.scottedelman.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=12198"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.scottedelman.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=12198"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.scottedelman.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=12198"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}