I dreamt I was at a Cory Doctorow reading, and Cory came up to where I was seated and handed me a medicine bottle filled with pills. And because it was Cory, I downed them all. But then I looked down at the empty bottle suspiciously, wondering what I’d just done. There was no label on the bottle to tell me what I’d ingested, however.

“Trust me,” he said.

And because it was Cory, I did.

He them brought over a laptop device a few feet square, bristling with glowing vacuum tubes, but still light enough to rest on my knees. He slipped headphones around my ears, plugged them into the machine, then plugged in a microphone as well and handed it to me.

He told me I should begin to wail.

Before I could, however, he asked if he could borrow my phone. He was disappointed to see when I handed it to him that it was an iPhone. But not disappointed in the way you’d expect Cory to be upon seeing an Apple product. Instead, he asked me, “Why don’t you have the most powerful device?”

“I don’t need the most powerful device,” I said. “I just have what I need to do the job.”

I saw the sadness in Cory’s eyes, so added: “Look, I can cut up a board with a saw or a nuke. But I don’t need a nuke when I can get away with the saw.”

“Nukes are cool,” he said.

I agreed.

And then I woke, never finding out what chemical wonders awaited me from the drugs, or what technological marvels would occur were I ever to get the chance to wail into that microphone.

So who and what did I dream about during the month of December? Harvested from my Twitter stream are George R. R. Martin, Harrison Ford, Bill Gaines, porcupines hurled through the air by trebuchets, Agent Nelson Van Alden, an imploding apartment building, and more.

And who knows … maybe you’re in there somewhere, too!

DECEMBER 2010

I’ve lost a dream, since I no longer know what this scrawled night note means: “librarian complain me not donating ALL letters.” Any ideas? 31 Dec

I dreamt I was chef Janette Desautel from HBO’s Treme, whipping up a storm in the kitchen and then breaking to taste what others had done. 30 Dec

I dreamt I had a conversation with a relative filled with so many malapropisms and spoonerisms that I had no idea what he was talking about. 30 Dec

I dreamt I went to an experimental Scandinavian art installation and spent half an hour staring at a screen before I was told it was broken. 30 Dec

I dreamt I got a job as a political strategist at the White House, and my entire first day was spent in figuring where my office should be. 30 Dec

As usual, a night in a hotel destroyed my dream memories. Only snippets remain — so I have no idea what Don Draper was trying to sell me. 29 Dec

I dreamt we were on the top floor of an apartment building about to implode, and as we started to pancake, I shouted for Irene to go limp. 27 Dec

I dreamt my mother had a boyfriend — the rapper Young Jeezy — and we chatted, trying to get comfortable with the new, strange situation. 27 Dec

I dreamt I ran around a castle trying to catch a chicken in a royal game, and once I did, lay down with it on my chest to protest the king. 27 Dec

I dreamt I was a low level flunky for a mob boss, and it was my job to slip a tracer into the shoes of a yakuza when he wasn’t wearing them. 26 Dec (more…)

A new month has begun, so as usual, it’s time to gather together my dream tweets of the previous month to see whether they gain any added value from rubbing up against each other. Guest starring in November were celebrities I’ve never met, such as Steve Tyler, Mandy Patinkin, Heather Morrison, and John Goodman, plus friends like Geoff Landis, Cory Doctorow, Stan Robinson and Mary Robinette Kowal.

And who knows? Maybe you, too.

Check out what my subconscious delivered.

NOVEMBER 2011

I dreamt I was a Revolutionary War artist, advising a promising young woman. A flash forward revealed she would become great and famous. 30 Nov

I dreamt we were house hunting, and found a lovely place to live, except for the fact there weren’t enough outlets, which was disappointing. 30 Nov

I dreamt I was being held hostage until a sonic bomb went off that blew out the eardrums of my captors without affecting me, and I escaped. 30 Nov

I lost a dream because I no longer know what this middle-of-the-night note means: “too many smokers unlivable—cross street [illegible]” 29 Nov

I dreamt my son and I performed parkour on an alien world, eventually ending up by a replicator so massive it was used to create spaceships. 29 Nov

I dreamt my father and I were in China surrounded by pyramids of dim sum. He seemed tired, so I offered to serve him, but he helped himself. 29 Nov

I dreamt my name popped up on several suspicious persons lists, and I was being hunted by (and successfully eluding) Mandy Patinkin in NYC. 29 Nov

I dreamt Geoff Landis was visiting, rehearsing his presentation for a patent application he needed to make in person. And I gave him tips. 28 Nov

I dreamt I ran into Walter Jon Williams, then saw Stan Robinson and Melinda Snodgrass. “Is there a con going on I don’t know about?” I said. 28 Nov

I dreamt I found a gumball machine into which I could insert a huge Mercury Head dime and get two or one or none in return. I won 50 cents! 28 Nov (more…)

October was a rather light month in terms of my dream life—or should I say, my remembered dream life—because I’ve always understood that we all have dreams whether we remember them or not. In any case, three consecutive weekends of travel—Capclave, followed by a trip with Irene to her NJ Romance Writers Convention, after which I headed to San Diego for World Fantasy Con—meant there were an awful lot of mornings during which, when I’d wake, I could feel the dreams slip away.

Here’s what remained.

Special guests this month include Martin Scorsese, Rick Grimes, Andy Rooney, Sean McNamara, Paul Di Filippo—and maybe you.

October 2011 Dream Tweets

I dreamt I lived in the rental apartment at which our landlord insisted we no longer use our lawnmower on the carpets. So I broke the lease. 31 Oct

I dreamt Cap’n Crunch fell from a great height, and I stood over his lifeless form crying for him to get up. But the Cap’n was dead. 29 Oct

I dreamt I attended a wedding ceremony performed entirely in Hebrew, understood nothing, and felt like a bad Jew. Well, until the food came. 28 Oct

I dreamt The Office’s Dwight Schrute gave me relationship advice on how best to get along with Irene, and I was wise enough to ignore it. 28 Oct

I dreamt I was hanging around a humongous BBQ grill with The Walking Dead’s Rick Grimes and chatting about how life used to be. 28 Oct

I dreamt I returned from a visit to an alternate universe and was desperately trying to blow up the portal before anyone could follow me. 26 Oct

I dreamt that during a banquet at Irene’s romance writer conference I tried to help our waitress clear the table and only made things worse. 25 Oct

I dreamt I messed up telling Richard Lupoff how much I looked forward to his new novel by misdescribing the ending of his previous book. 25 Oct

I dreamt my son wouldn’t move to a rural area because it would be difficult without a car to carry soda. I said I’d ship him all he needed. 25 Oct

I dreamt I read a letter in the local paper from a woman advocating a ban on synagogues. Irene told me it’d never pass, but I still worried. 25 Oct (more…)

It’s that time again! Another month is over, and so it’s time to gather all of September’s dream tweets and see whether they create any interesting friction rubbing up against each other.

Last month, I dreamt of Katherine Hepburn, Steve Carell, and Richard Pryor, as well as Ellen Datlow, Gardner Dozois, and F. Paul Wilson … and perhaps you.

September 2011

I dreamt I was on a grand jury investigating suspicious activity and said, hey, if this guy deserves to be arrested, I should be arrested. 30 Sep

I dreamt I was on a losing softball team and when it came time to shake hands, I saw one of my opponents had been a Waltons-era Ralph Waite. 30 Sep

I dreamt I was mowing our lawn with a mower made out of a old Mercedes-Benz, a very fancy lawn mower indeed. 30 Sep

I dreamt I looked outside and saw that to surprise me Irene had spread a carpet of Little Caesars pizza boxes stretching as far I could see. 30 Sep

I woke from a nightmare in which I was missing and Irene and her best friend couldn’t find me even though I repeatedly shouted, “Over here!” 28 Sep

I dreamt I was in a classroom with Adam-Troy Castro, who stunned me with his art by drawing a huge anti-bullying mural on the blackboard. 28 Sep

I dreamt I hired a taxi to take me to a casino 100 miles away, but my ride turned out to be just a bicycle with an exposed chair up front. 28 Sep

I dreamt I shared an office with my sister-in-law and an appraiser visited from Heritage Auctions to value our comics art collections. 28 Sep

I dreamt a courier’s briefcase, filled with coins, split open as he was crossing the street, spilling everywhere. So I helped scoop them up. 27 Sep

I dreamt I was a horribly inept waiter serving a young Richard Pryor and continually spilling food all over him in a slapstick kind of way. 27 Sep (more…)

Looking at the list below, August seems to have been comparatively light on dreams. Too much travel and too much sleep in unfamiliar beds, I think. But still, Stephen Colbert managed to make yet another of his appearances, plus Walter White, Gen. William Westmoreland and Jonathan Winters showed as well.

Were you in my dreams, too? Only one way to tell!

August 2011

I dreamt I wandered NY’s Forbidden Planet, which was filled with familiar comics titles, ALL of which were drawn by unfamiliar artists. 31 Aug

I dreamt a woman escaping a horde of zombies scampered up a rose trellis to a building’s second level and they were too clumsy to follow. 30 Aug

I dreamt I starred in a new Batman TV show and ran costumed through city streets with Robin to get to the taping of the 1st episode in time. 29 Aug

I dreamt I was Jimmy Berluti from The Practice, and a bodyguard I’d hired accidentally discharged his gun at the airport and shot a kid. 29 Aug

I dreamt I was a reporter attending Gen. William Westmoreland’s final press conference, where one of his aides forced my arm into a salute. 29 Aug

I dreamt I was in a softball league with Steve Carell and needed to pay refs, but the bills in my wallet for $180, $360, etc. confused me. 28 Aug

I dreamt it was my first day at a Boston comics shop, but couldn’t find a spot nearby so had to walk a mile to get there. And I had a beard! 26 Aug

I dreamt stories of mine occupied all five slots on next year’s Hugo ballot, but told Allan Steele I would probably be beaten by No Award. 26 Aug

I dreamt I was in a diner with Jonathan Winters discussing where to find great BBQ. We agreed the best ever had been cooked by Elvis’s maid. 26 Aug

I dreamt that @pnh was attempting to sing “Billy Don’t Be a Hero” in the SFWA suite, but forgot how it started, so I pulled it up on iTunes. 25 Aug (more…)

I just woke from a bad dream about John Kessel, and now I can’t get back to sleep.

I was at a Nebula Awards ceremony, seated one table away from John. He was called upon to say a few words about science fiction poetry (and thinking about it now, I have no idea why, since there are so many other topics in which he’s more of an expert), but instead of rising and walking to the podium, he just sat there, mumbled a word or two, and fell silent. Maybe he’s forgotten his speech, I thought, and so with one of my feet, I slid over a copy of a recent volume of the Nebula Awards anthology which I just happened to have at the banquet and which just happened to have an essay of his in it. I figured it might remind him of what he wanted to say. But though I pushed the book at him, bumping it into one of his feet, he didn’t respond, and his chin dropped to his chest, and I got worried.

As the silence grew, and no one did anything, I got up and knelt by John, calling his name. He didn’t respond, and so I pressed my fingers against his throat, searching for a pulse. I waited, unsure whether I could feel anything. First I thought there was a pulse, then I thought there wasn’t. But in either case, since he wasn’t telling me to get my hand off his throat, I knew something was very wrong.

Strangely, no one else had yet taken any action (they all just sat there!), and I pulled John to the floor, stretched him out, and called for someone to get a doctor. I shouted John’s name over and over, thinking that I’d better start CPR, since no one else seemed to be doing anything. I kept shouting his name as I woke, and found myself in bed, thankful it was only a dream.

And then I lay there, thinking … even though it’s 4:45 a.m., and I need lots more sleep for the day to come, there’s no way I’m getting it now.

Until I thought … maybe if I wrote about the dream and shared it with you, my mood might pass, and I could fall back to sleep.

So that’s what I’m trying. I’ll let you know later if it works.

Meanwhile, I hope John’s okay. And I’m sure glad I don’t believe in omens.

It’s that time again, when I gather together the previous month’s dream tweets and let them rub up against each other to see how surreal they look when that happens.

In July, I dreamt of Pete Seeger, Cee Lo Green, Joe Pesci, Sol Brodsky, James Patrick Kelly … and maybe even you. Let’s see, shall we?

July 2011

I lost one of my dreams due to illegible handwriting. I have no idea what “went under [illegible] several [illegible] not get away” means. 31 July

I dreamt I was about to interview Sarah Palin, only my office door was locked, and I couldn’t get in with her to retrieve my recorder. 31 July

I dreamt I sat in a chair next to my father, who was in bed watching bullfighting and episodes of I Love Lucy on TV and getting paid for it. 31 July

I dreamt I wandered at Clarion with James Patrick Kelly, engaged in an intense debate over which local restaurant served the best pancakes. 31 July

I dreamt I was the Matt Smith Doctor Who, shouting for a subway platform to be evacuated while demanding someone bring me an arc welder. 31 July

I dreamt I was still editing SF Age and interviewing a teenager to be my assistant. He surprised me by knowing secrets about Martin Goodman. 30 July

I dreamt I was slowly and carefully counting out and eating gummi bears one by one, but I lost count when I had to rescue a runaway train. 29 July

I dreamt I slid the paper sleeves containing lyrics off my LPs and stapled them together to research a singer … but I can’t remember who. 28 July

I dreamt I saw an old timey steam engine far in the distance which was suddenly here pulling out, and I rushed to say farewell to friends. 27 July

I dreamt I learned what Chris Meloni’s been up to since quitting L&O: SVU. I ordered a corned beef sandwich at a deli and he was my waiter! 26 July (more…)

Work, the holiday weekend, and multiple overnight guests prevented me from posting my roundup of dream tweets from last month, and as I peruse the list below, I find that many of them surprise me, leaving me thinking, “Did I really dream that?” Maybe I should always wait longer before collecting them, so they seem as strange to me as they might seem to you.

In any case, I dreamt about Nina Kiriki Hoffman, Stephen Colbert, David Tennant, Cory Doctorow, and who knows, maybe you …

June 2011

I dreamt I gave myself a crappy haircut, with a reverse Mohawk that went sideways from ear to ear, and I asked @tinytempest to fix me up. 30 Jun

I dreamt I climbed to the roof of a school via a ladder bolted to the side of the building and discovered Stephen Colbert being interviewed. 29 Jun

I dreamt I took a bus to a church, but before I could exit, a priest came and blessed the bus, which promptly turned around and headed home. 29 Jun

I dreamt I wore an old timey spacesuit, and got both my head and arm stuck inside the helmet. I tried to extricate myself as Irene watched. 29 Jun

I dreamt I was having dinner with George R.R. Martin and Connie Willis when the first copy of the last book in his series arrived for him. 28 Jun

I dreamt I was trying (and failing) to find Irene in the Chicago Loop area, fruitlessly jumping on and off elevated trains calling her name. 27 Jun

I dreamt I surreptitiously recorded a performance of a play. The management threatened me, but the actors were thrilled and wanted copies. 27 Jun

I dreamt I dropped by an office I haven’t worked at since 1996. My old coworkers handed me memos and expected me to get right back to work. 26 Jun

I dreamt I watched a Big Bang Theory episode with Larry King. I grew angry because he complimented the leads but failed to mention my cameo. 25 Jun

I dreamt Peter O’Toole was performing the Eucharist, and even though I’m Jewish, I was tempted to partake, because, hey, it’s Peter O’Toole! 25 Jun (more…)

Last month seemed less rife with remembered dreams than other months, perhaps because it was once again a heavy convention month, leading to exhaustion, which resulted in my leaving dreams behind when I woke. But still, there were some, and they were once more filled with comic book and science fiction settings. And people.

Appearing in this month’s dreams were Julia Roberts, Rex Reed, Stone Cold Steve Austin, all the Glee kids, Adam-Troy Castro, John Barrowman, and who knows? Maybe you!

MAY 2011

I’ve lost one of my dreams, because I have no idea what my hastily scribbled middle-of-the-night note means: “did not eat cookies” May 31

I dreamt my son phoned to tell me he was in a fender bender, which was only odd as a dream because in real life, he doesn’t drive. May 31

I dreamt I was invited to be guest lecturer but had to agree via an inaccessible computer locked away in a room occupied by a marching band. May 31

I dreamt I came upon a dry riverbed, but after I drilled a whole in the middle, it flowed once more, and I could speed down it on a raft. May 31

I dreamt I was dying at age 79 in a post-apocalyptic world, and as I did so I gave the lucky coin that had kept me alive to my grandson. May 31

I dreamt that as my father and I hunted for a space in a parking garage, we sang the doo-wop song, “My Juanita.” http://tinyurl.com/3nl5yxp May 31

I dreamt I appeared in a show playing the guitar and singing about a woman who woke up to discover one of her kidneys had been stolen. May 30

I dreamt I was hanging out with Stan Lee, and helping him remember a superhero created in 1987, which felt both far away and like yesterday. May 29

I dreamt my boss was leading a discussion of the Thor movie in a college dorm, and I was the only one who spoke out against it. May 29

I dreamt I was on the lawn, realized the ants were intelligent, and could understand what they were saying. They were conspiring against me! May 29 (more…)