I dreamt last night that I was editing and publishing a boutique magazine such as Lady Churchill’s Rosebud Wristlet or Electric Velocipede, and was witness to a conversation between Allen Steele and Harlan Ellison.

Allen saying that, no, Harlan couldn’t have John Kessel’s newest story for whatever project Harlan was working on, because John had already promised that story to me. Not sure why it was up to Allen to be delivering the news rather than John himself, but John didn’t appear in the dream. I turned to Ellen Datlow, who was in the dream, and bragged about the coup.

Then I woke up.

If you can’t figure out the proper length for your current short story, Dr. J. Berg Esenwein has some advice for you in his book Writing the Short-Story: A Practical Handbook on the Rise, Structure, Writing and Sale of the Modern Short-Story. So pay careful attention … as long, that is, as you’re planning to mail that story to one of the better magazine markets of 1908!

Here what he has to say: (more…)

You’ve probably all read the amazing stories of writer Paul Di Filippo, but what you likely don’t know, unless you’ve been extremely lucky, is that he’s just as artful when it comes to baffling the U. S. Postal Service.

Paul isn’t satisfied with merely addressing his envelopes the way the rest of us mortals do. Instead, he explodes old magazines, newspapers, comic books, and catalogs and reassembles them into strange collages, some of which have been so imaginative that I was boggled the packages actually arrived.

I’ve often thought of bringing the most imaginative of these creations to a convention in order to host an exhibition of his envelope art in my hotel room, but I’ve just never gotten around to it. Meanwhile, isn’t this is what blogs are for?

For the first installment of this virtual gallery, click on the scan to see what Tricky Dick has to say for himself.

[Note that I’ve deleted Paul’s street address for privacy reasons, though I’ve left his state as is, since he’s the most famous Rhode Island writer since H.P. Lovecraft, and all the world already knows that. But because I no longer live in Maryland, I’ve left my address as is. I figure I’m fair game—and besides, I didn’t want to mess with Paul’s designs!]

Voting opens today on the final Stoker Awards ballot, and will remain open through March 7. Winners will be revealed at the World Horror Convention in Salt Lake City on March 29.

My novella “Almost the Last Story by Almost the Last Man,” originally published in PostScripts 12, is on the ballot in the category of Superior Achievement in Long Fiction.

If there are any active members out there who would like to see a copy of that piece for possible consideration, please zap me an e-mail and I’ll get one right to you!

The obituary for William F. Buckley Jr. that appeared in today’s New York Times made the following observation:

Mr. Buckley’s vocabulary, sparkling with phrases from distant eras and described in newspaper and magazine profiles as sesquipedalian (characterized by the use of long words) became the stuff of legend. Less kind commentators called him “pleonastic” (use of more words than necessary).

Those of us who consider ourselves the former certainly hope that we’re not coming off as the latter!

The April 2008 issue of SCI FI, the official magazine of the SCI FI Channel, goes on sale today.

In addition to showcasing 23 new faces on TV this season (that’s Smallville‘s Laura Vandervoort representing the freshman class), the issue also contains feature articles on the films 10,000 B.C., Nim’s Island, The Ruins, Doomsday, and Repo! The Genetic Opera, the TV series Battlestar Galactica, Stargate Atlantis, and Destination Truth, and the Stargate SG-1 straight-to-DVD movie The Ark of Truth.

Plus there are reviews of books, games, DVDs, tech gadgets, and more.

And just in case you’ve forgotten the reason that I’m telling you all this—editing SCI FI is one-half of my day job. (The other half is editing Science Fiction Weekly.)

And since the issue will be on sale until April 21, there’s plenty of time for you to find your own copy at the nearest bookstore or newsstand.

Up until now, Dr. J. Berg Esenwein’s 1908 book Writing the Short-Story: A Practical Handbook on the Rise, Structure, Writing and Sale of the Modern Short-Story has offered advice which, while it might sometimes seem quaint now that a century has passed, hasn’t attempted to steer today’s beginning writers in a direction that’s just dead wrong for 2008.

But now, here’s a tip that runs counter to everything you’d hear any professional writer or writing instructor recommend today:

Do not think it necessary to put “he saids” after every remark made by a character. So long as without them the reader understands clearly and easily just who is speaking, such additions hinder rather than help dialogue. But when you do add the explanatory verbs, use some ingenuity in getting away from the conventional forms. Do not discriminate against such good expressions as “he acquiesced,” “admitted,” “argued,” “asked,” “assented,” “boasted,” “called,” “cautioned,” “chuckled,” “corrected,” “cried,” “croaked,” “crowed,” “declared,” “drawled,” droned,” “ejaculated,” “emended,” “enjoined,” “enumerated,” “exclaimed,” “exploded,” “flashed,” “frowned,” “gasped,” “growled,” “grumbled,” “grunted,” “hinted,” “inquired,” “insinuated,” “intimated,” “jeered,” “jested,” “laughed,” “leered,” “maundered,” “mumbled,” “nodded,” “opined,” “pronounced,” “puffed,” “questioned,” “rejoined,” “retorted,” “returned,” “simpered,” “snarled,” sneered,” “snickered,” “stammered,” “stipulated,” “stormed,” “suggested,” “urged,” “volunteered,” “wondered,” “yelled,”—and a whole dictionaryful besides, each precisely suited to the shade of mood to be depicted.

This is precisely the opposite of what you should be doing. There’s nothing wrong with a simple “he said.”

So, please, writers of 2008 and beyond—keep your ejaculations where they belong!

Paul Di Filippo and others have been bitten by the Pogo bug recently, sharing this animated cartoon and this Claymation version adapted from Walt Kelly’s classic comic strip.

For those who aren’t old enough or whose memories aren’t long enough, Pogo was yesterday’s Bloom County, though I’m not sure that’s truly a sufficient comparison as far as Pogo’s whimsy and satire are concerned. I guess Pogo truly stands alone.

Back when I was attending Brooklyn’s South Shore High School, I became friendly with artist Bill Kresse, thanks to a school trip to the New York Daily News. He introduced me to other staff cartoonists at the paper, and ended up inviting me to a few National Cartoonist Society banquets, which was Valhalla to a young fan.

One of the many cartoonists I met thanks to Kresse was George Ward, who was Walt Kelly’s assistant on Pogo.

When I headed off to college, some of those cartoonists drew going-away illustrations for me, including Ward, who certainly proved with this image why Kelly trusted him to draw many of the strip’s Sunday pages entirely on his own.

I sure miss Pogo. It would have been great to have seen what Walt Kelly would have made of the current administration. “We have met the enemy and he is us,” indeed!

While reading the latest issue of Esquire, I noticed an advertorial page purporting to salute “the finest men’s speciality stores in the country.” Included in a list of what the magazine considers “The Gold Standard,” along with stores we’ve all heard of such as Barney’s and Bergdorf Goodman, is a clothing store in Cleveland that goes by the name of … Kilgore Trout?

A high-class men’s clothing store named after Kurt Vonnegut’s most famous character, a crazed science-fiction fiction writer? I found it hard to believe. And yet, it’s true.

The store’s site states:

Whether the call is for a made-to-measure tuxedo or for a suitcase full of resort pieces, Kilgore Trout tailors its inventory and service around you. Founded in 1977, and named in honor of writer Kurt Vonnegut’s favorite character, Kilgore Trout has evolved into a premier menswear and womenswear resource with relationship retailing at the core. Our 10,000 square foot store is filled with essential clothing for him and her, accessories and luxury homegoods.

Which doesn’t explain why a clothing store would be named in honor of Kilgore Trout. I would have expected a store by that name to be selling propeller beanies and t-shirts, rather than “the finest mens and womens apparel available.”

Any theories?

I braved the elements last night to go hear Gregory Frost read an excerpt from his new novel, Shadowbridge, at Main Street Books in Frostburg, Maryland. I joined Greg, along with Frostburg transplants Sydney and Andy Duncan, for dinner beforehand at The Sand Springs Restaurant and Saloon. Even with the falling snow, a decent crowd turned up for the 7:30 reading, which began when Andy took the podium to introduce Greg.

The most important thing I learned last night? The title Sydney intends to give to the account of her life spent with Andy, which I will leave to her to reveal to the world when the time is right.