So who and what did I dream about during the month of December? Harvested from my Twitter stream are George R. R. Martin, Harrison Ford, Bill Gaines, porcupines hurled through the air by trebuchets, Agent Nelson Van Alden, an imploding apartment building, and more.

And who knows … maybe you’re in there somewhere, too!

DECEMBER 2010

I’ve lost a dream, since I no longer know what this scrawled night note means: “librarian complain me not donating ALL letters.” Any ideas? 31 Dec

I dreamt I was chef Janette Desautel from HBO’s Treme, whipping up a storm in the kitchen and then breaking to taste what others had done. 30 Dec

I dreamt I had a conversation with a relative filled with so many malapropisms and spoonerisms that I had no idea what he was talking about. 30 Dec

I dreamt I went to an experimental Scandinavian art installation and spent half an hour staring at a screen before I was told it was broken. 30 Dec

I dreamt I got a job as a political strategist at the White House, and my entire first day was spent in figuring where my office should be. 30 Dec

As usual, a night in a hotel destroyed my dream memories. Only snippets remain — so I have no idea what Don Draper was trying to sell me. 29 Dec

I dreamt we were on the top floor of an apartment building about to implode, and as we started to pancake, I shouted for Irene to go limp. 27 Dec

I dreamt my mother had a boyfriend — the rapper Young Jeezy — and we chatted, trying to get comfortable with the new, strange situation. 27 Dec

I dreamt I ran around a castle trying to catch a chicken in a royal game, and once I did, lay down with it on my chest to protest the king. 27 Dec

I dreamt I was a low level flunky for a mob boss, and it was my job to slip a tracer into the shoes of a yakuza when he wasn’t wearing them. 26 Dec

I dreamt that as Irene drove, a guy stuck his head in the passenger window and tried to rob us, so I shouted “Floor it!” We got away. Whew! 26 Dec

I dreamt that after a homunculus I owned hurled itself from a bridge to commit suicide, a second homunculus began gnawing on my leg. 26 Dec

A few of last night’s dreams remain only as fragments: in a tuxedo as a member of a wedding party; being Bill Gaines. The details are gone. 25 Dec

I dreamt I attended a lecture by Harrison Ford during which he punctuated his points by holding up various wax toys — lips, a gun, etc. 25 Dec

I dreamt my father was driving and reading a book at the same time, and I kept having to yank the steering wheel to keep us from crashing. 25 Dec

I dreamt I was a Time Agent (whatever that is) upset because a jet crashed nearby and I’d missed the warning signs and failed to prevent it. 24 Dec

I dreamt I was at a lecture chattering with Melinda Snodgrass and Mary Robinette Kowal about scripts we’d registered with the Writers Guild. 24 Dec

I dreamt I was at a casino when a band of criminals forced me to don armor and take part in their robbery. I tried and failed to break away. 23 Dec

I dreamt I was at a rib joint with @gerryconway and our hands and faces were so slathered with BBQ sauce we might as well have been zombies. 23 Dec

I dreamt we stayed at the Plaza, and when I reached for the hotel soap, they’d been replaced by mini-croissants, and crumbled to dust. 22 Dec

I dreamt Walter Jon Wiliiams visited, and as I gave him a house tour, I explained how I earned a living. And no, I didn’t believe it either. 21 Dec

I dreamt I tried to update Twitter, but all I was able to type was gibberish. (And now some of you are thinking … that wasn’t a dream.) 19 Dec

I dreamt I stood at a lunch counter for an hour unable to decide between a burger and a falafel … and then got a coconut macaroon instead.19 Dec

I dreamt I was filming a family video with my two (nonexistent) toddler daughters when Obama walked into the shot, coming home from work. 17 Dec

I dreamt I was in a school gym about to box in a heavyweight match which suddenly had to be cancelled because kids needed to use the room. 17 Dec

I dreamt Jon Stewart and I took part in a police raid, and in the middle of it we sat down and ate some cherry danish being confiscated. 17 Dec

I dreamt I was in a rehearsal space directing a play, but as I watched the cast perform, I realized I had no idea WHICH play. So I woke up. 16 Dec

I dreamt I hopped a freight train in Boardwalk Empire and ran into Agent Nelson Van Alden, at which point I thought, “This can’t be good.” 16 Dec

I dreamt House asked me to burn his CD collection, but when I tossed it on the fire, I saw it was _my_ CDs, and scurried to pull them out. 16 Dec

I dreamt I found a NYC apartment I loved, but then George R. R. Martin showed up and loved it, too, so I gave up. No way I’d outbid _him_! 16 Dec

I dreamt I wandered a field of alien flowers where my sneakers were covered in a pollen that glowed a sickly green and wouldn’t wash off. 15 Dec

I dreamt I was in a restaurant at which the next Muzak item to be played was announced as “The PBJ Opera Diet.” What kind of music was that? 15 Dec

I dreamt I toured an about to be demolished parking garage, and hoped I’d make it out of there before explosive charges imploded the place. 15 Dec

I dreamt all of Batman’s supervillains were known for signature cookies, and as I helped him capture each, I got to keep them as my reward. 14 Dec

I dreamt I was Peter Dinklage’s Game of Thrones character Tyrion Lannister, wandering a con and marveling as people saw me and fell silent. 14 Dec

I dreamt I sat on the couch with my parents and stroked their pet leopard. It purred, but I was still quite nervous about its sharp teeth. 14 Dec

I dreamt I breakfasted in an avant-garde restaurant, and the waiter presented my omelette containing cherry Kool-Aid with a great flourish. 13 Dec

I dreamt I worked in an office that had been hit by layoffs, so only a handful of the hundreds of desks in a cavernous room were occupied. 13 Dec

I dreamt I appeared in an episode of SNL, and during the closing credits, was shunned by the other cast members, who saw me as a threat. 13 Dec

I dreamt I visited a used bookstore stuffed so tightly that to add or remove a book would have caused the contents of the shop to explode. 13 Dec

I dreamt I watched porcupines hurled through the air by trebuchets, seeming to enjoy it. And the aviators cap and goggles were a nice touch. 12 Dec

I dreamt I shared unrecognizable alien food with James Patrick Kelly, Walter Jon Williams, Gardner Dozois, Geoff Landis and Mary Turzillo. 12 Dec

I dreamt friends dressed up in truly wretched George Lucas and Steven Spielberg costumes and make-up, yet still managed to fool people. 12 Dec

I dreamt the owner of a hotel restaurant blew up at Irene for daring to drink milk with her meal. I had no idea why then. I still don’t. 12 Dec

I dreamt I bumped into Carlton Cuse, who invited me to a private Comic-Con Lost party. I entered a dark warehouse, and waited for the light. 11 Dec

I dreamt I arrived at my scheduled convention reading with a spiral-sliced ham, but was locked out of the room, so served it in the hallway. 11 Dec

I dreamt I owned a huge pterosaur egg, which I kept in a trailer in the backyard, and I repeatedly checked the progress of its hatching. 11 Dec

I dreamt I left the Plaza Hotel to meet Irene in Central Park, but huge dogs kept standing and putting paws on my shoulders to block my way. 10 Dec

I dreamt I bought a ticket to watch five Oscar nominees consecutively, but 10 minutes into the first movie thought, “I’m not up for this.” 10 Dec

I dreamt I was pulled out of a TSA line for special attention and tested via shibboleth — asked to repeat words which would unmask me. 10 Dec

I dreamt Irene and I ate at a restaurant where customers fried and steamed dim sum at their own table. (Someone please open this place NOW!) 9 Dec

I dreamt that as I wandered around downtown Martinsburg, each building there transformed one by one into a marvel of Art Deco architecture. 9 Dec

I dreamt Matt Smith took McDonalds french fries and applied them to himself one by one until he was completely hidden beneath french fries. 8 Dec

I dreamt I was a mob fixer investigated by the police because there’s no way I could live my lavish lifestyle on my supposed church salary. 8 Dec

I dreamt I told someone where my new apartment was in Manhattan, and even as I said it, knew it was a dream, because “I can’t afford THAT!” 7 Dec

I dreamt I rolled off the deck of a rocking battleship, after which I found myself being given a private tour of NASA by Steven DesJardins. 6 Dec

I dreamt I was on my cell, talking to Irene, who warned I’d better put my phone away in that neighborhood. As soon as I did, I was attacked! 6 Dec

I dreamt I was governor of an unspecified state, and Mitt Romney took the day off from campaigning to hang, which I told him wasn’t smart. 5 Dec

I dreamt Irene and I got separated at a crowded county fair. I heard her call my name, but couldn’t reach her through a wall of obese men. 5 Dec

I dreamt my wife, son and I moved back to NY into the top floor of a duplex, and found the neighbor’s dog, Mr. Sparklebark, quite annoying. 5 Dec

I dreamt I was starving, stumbling, and tracking the flight of vultures in the hopes of finding a dead animal I could scavenge for myself. 4 Dec

I dreamt I was still in high school, and a shy Richard Bay from The Practice wanted me to introduce him to Sue Sylvester from Glee. 4 Dec

I dreamt Paul Levitz visited and offered me Joe Orlando’s old job. When I told this to Irene, she was dubious about moving to NY. As was I. 4 Dec

I dreamt I landed at an airport, bumped into Chip Delany, and offered him a ride. But there was no need. Dennis was waiting to pick him up. 3 Dec

I dreamt I attended Readercon, but only its open hours. I watched the clock because I had to leave for the competing Comic-Con shortly. 2 Dec

I dreamt I’d joined SNL, and gathered with Larry David and Jason Alexander on a busy NYC street corner to snap the new season’s cast photo. 2 Dec

I dreamt I was at a dinner party with NASA scientists. The table was filled with my original comics art, which I rescued to save from gravy. 1 Dec

I dreamt I stayed with my parents and discovered the fridge was densely packed with candy bars and nothing else, supposedly all for my Dad. 1 Dec

I dreamt I was dismissed from a job and had difficulty retrieving my personal things. Luckily, someone helped me sneak them out … Dexter! 1 Dec

I dreamt I hung out with Adam-Troy Castro and jumped into the air to knock out street lights by holding supermarket customer tokens to them. 1 Dec