Since I’m awake much too early thanks to much too exciting a dream, it only seems right that I start the day by harvesting last month’s dream tweets. So here are the nearly 100 dreams from March. (That I was able to remember, that is. I’m sure there were many more.)

Those dreams included appearances by fictional characters (Glee‘s Sue Sylvester , Fringe‘s Walter Bishop, Big Love’s Barb Henrickson), celebrities (John Larroquette , Rod Steiger, Charlie Sheen), and friends (John Kessel, Dennis Etchison, Barry Malzberg).

And maybe you, too!

March 2011 Dream Tweets

I dreamt that, by merely opening the latest issue of Locus, I was teleported to the magazine’s office, where I chatted with Amelia Beamer. 31 Mar

I dreamt a brobdingnagian mechanical device began to whirr, turning magnetic. As the world imploded, I ducked and let debris pass over me. 31 Mar

I dreamt that, for some reason which made perfect sense as I slept, I hung with LL Cool J and told all him about my grandfather the bookie. 31 Mar

I dreamt an SUV at the mall suddenly revealed itself as an alien construct and began firing missiles, which we dodged acrobatically. 30 Mar

I dreamt Irene and I stopped at a gas station in the middle of nowhere that was then invaded by a gang run by Machete’s Danny Trejo. We ran. 30 Mar

I dreamt I rummaged through the outdoor bins of a used bookstore and was stunned to find classic first editions on sale for $10-$15. 30 Mar

I dreamt that, as I pushed through the San Diego Comic-Con crowds, I thought I saw Duffy Vohland off in the distance. But no. It wasn’t him. 29 Mar

I dreamt I bumped into Mike Walsh in Central Park, spread out on a picnic blanket with his wife and two kids. (But does he even have those?) 29 Mar

I dreamt I arrived at a comics-related event to find Stan Lee standing calmly with thousands of people in a snaking line waiting to get in. 29 Mar

I dreamt an entire truckload of onions had spilled in a HS gym, and I was crawling around with Finn Hudson and Quinn Fabray picking them up. 28 Mar

I dreamt I was chatting with Bob Howe and Damian Kilby around the dining room table. They were both heavily muscled and heavily tattooed. 28 Mar

I dreamt I was hanging around with Walter Bishop, who was saying many Waltery things. Unfortunately, I no longer remember what they were. 28 Mar

I dreamt I was on a road trip with Adam Baldwin. Our car was so overflowing with crumpled paper we had to stop at WalMart to dump the trash. 27 Mar

I dreamt I was at the Stoker banquet, and seated at my table was Edgar Allan Poe, who was using a fountain pen to scribble on the program. 27 Mar

I dreamt someone walked around Readercon offering up a platter of turkey while at the same time warning we were each to take only one slice. 27 Mar

I dreamt the Russian Mafia was chasing me, and the only reason I survived was Twitter — I quickly tweeted and assembled a flash mob. 26 Mar

I dreamt my boss showed me several dozen boxes of books, part of his new get-rich-quick scheme — running a used bookstore. I was dubious. 26 Mar

I dreamt I found a crate filled with sticks of TNT wired together. I phoned 911, but couldn’t make out street signs and explain where I was. 26 Mar

I dreamt I was on a cruise ship in the middle of the desert during a hostage situation, and escaped by jumping into the soft sand below. 25 Mar

I dreamt I was attending a wake hosted by Marie Severin. All of the women, including Irene, wore dresses of the same purple floral pattern. 24 Mar

I dreamt I was introduced to Steve Niles at a party, but since I have no idea what he’s like, he looked and sounded like Lorne from Angel. 24 Mar

I dreamt a press party was being held on the lawn of a mansion, but I was unable to get in. I could see Nicola Griffith through the gates. 23 Mar

I’ve lost a dream because I no longer understand what this hastily scrawled middle-of-the-night note means: PRIVATE PRAC GUY ZOOT SUIT TEENS 22 Mar

I dreamt I still worked a job from 15 years ago, and had written a resignation letter but forgot about it until arriving for my last day. 22 Mar

I dreamt I arrived at Readercon a day early just so I could use the hotel gym, eat free pastries, and have a meeting with Tom Doyle. 22 Mar

I dreamt Irene and I carried a large log through a deep snow, and continually slipped and fell. I woke before we got where we were going. 21 Mar

I dreamt I fell into a large grave that contained a car, and was desperately trying to claw my way out while standing on the hood. I failed. 21 Mar

I dreamt I returned to Wisteria Lane as a teen and accused multiple men of being my father. And for some unexplained reason, it was true! 21 Mar

I dreamt my brother and I started working in a comic book store, instigated by my mother, who wanted us to spend more time together. 21 Mar

I dreamt I acted in a play cancelled due to rain. All of us actors were upset because we’d never find out what happened to our characters. 21 Mar

I dreamt I saw an RV covered with Star Wars art and thought it was _my_ RV covered with Star Wars art. But no. Had to keep wandering the lot. 20 Mar

I dreamt I ran into four Brits debating Doctor Who. I told them I’d tweet their question to Neil Gaiman, but couldn’t get my iPhone to work. 20 Mar

I dreamt I took a break from a Worldcon and escaped to Disney — Which one? Don’t know. — where I bumped into rain-soaked Adam-Troy Castro. 20 Mar

I dreamt I was approached by Mike Huckabee to head a lobbying group on behalf of the comic book industry. Why him? I have no idea. 20 Mar

I dreamt it was my first day on staff at DC Comics, and I was composing a tweet about it. No memory of its content or my position, though. 19 Mar

I dreamt I was an unidentified character on Glee, and for some nefarious purpose conspired with Sue Sylvester to pretend we were dating. 19 Mar

I dreamt I was moving into an apartment in Brooklyn, and at some point started thinking, “Why am I doing this?” Which woke me immediately. 19 Mar

I dreamt I wandered a Little Italy-type neighborhood in search of a fresh loaf of bread for Irene, but by the time I found her I’d eaten it. 19 Mar

I dreamt I watched an auction of an original Carl Barks painting. I woke when the bidding topped $400,000, so I don’t know the winning bid. 18 Mar

I dreamt I owned a television which could play black-and-white movies in color, but waking, I completely forgot which movies I was watching. 18 Mar

I dreamt I was able to see the new owners of the fat clothes I gave away last year, as they all held pants and shirts up against themselves. 17 Mar

I dreamt I wandered the corridors of a maze-like multiplex. When I made it to the lobby, Shatner was there answering a crowd’s questions. 17 Mar

I dreamt I read a story which had its many chapters hidden in a museum — locked inside a puzzle box, attached to a helium balloon, etc. 17 Mar

I dreamt I was hanging out at Charlie Sheen’s beach house, watching the roiling waves, with TWO Charlie Sheens, one crazy, one sane. 16 Mar

I dreamt my brother-in-law baked bread in the shape of a roast chicken, sliced it in half, then made a sandwich out of an actual chicken. 16 Mar

I dreamt that for some reason I was living in a rented apartment between jobs, and I had to get Sheila Williams’ OK for an extra blanket. 15 Mar

I dreamt I found a guy had broken into our basement, so I ran off to get my shotgun and chased him off with just the sound of it. 15 Mar

I dreamt I lived in a world in which SF writers were on the money. Hugo Gernsback was on the $1 bill, Robert Heinlein on the $5, and so on. 15 Mar

I dreamt I was at Pam and Jim’s party, and watched as Dwight Schrute walked out on the pool covering thinking it a rug and fell through. 14 Mar

I dreamt I had three kids, rather than one as in real life, and that they were all older than they possibly could have been. And blonde. 14 Mar

I dreamt I watched Barry Malzberg on a John W. Campbell panel, and thought — isn’t every Malzberg panel eventually about John W. Campbell? 14 Mar

I dreamt a terrorist was using Google to program and deliver robotic bombs. The greater a person’s online presence, the likelier to die. 14 Mar

I dreamt I was a young wife complimenting my very old husband by telling him that all of our son’s good qualities were learned from him. 14 Mar

Sadly, I lost another dream to illegible nighttime handwriting. I no longer have any idea what the scrawl “INF & FIGHT REG. FANATM” means. 13 Mar

I dreamt Irene and I lived in a house in which all the paint was peeling, all the walls were rotting, and all the ceilings were crumbling. 13 Mar

I dreamt I was backstage at American Idol, hanging with Jennifer Lopez at craft services, entertaining her by singing silly nonsense songs. 13 Mar

I dreamt I was in a Mormon prayer circle. When it was discovered I had a Bowie knife in my boot, I was made to hold it aloft while we sang. 13 Mar

I dreamt we dug up all the dogwoods on our property and put them in pots on the deck. They were blooming pink even though it was too early. 12 Mar

I dreamt friends Allan and Linda were getting married at my house. Every surface was covered with comics art and vows were read from SF Age. 12 Mar

I dreamt I still worked at Sovereign Media and flipped through the pages of Sci-Fi Entertainment with a new assistant to explain what we do. 10 Mar

I dreamt I was a teen taking part in the latest parentally disapproved fad: Having a piece of my brain surgically removed so I could EAT it! 9 Mar

I dreamt the Washington Post had published a story of mine, I’d lost my copy, and I was furiously searching the paper’s archives to find it. 9 Mar

I dreamt I bought a huge, decrepit building as part of an elaborate scam. When my broker John Larroquette found out, I pulled a gun on him. 9 Mar

I dreamt I was attacked by a zombie horde, and as I was being eaten, my flesh ripped away, I was intensely aware of each individual bite. 9 Mar

I dreamt I tried to eat at a party, but all I found was a thimbleful of tomato soup and a few Cheez-It crumbs at the bottom of an empty bag. 8 Mar

I dreamt I was a scientist who’d invented a small, winged flying saucer. I sent it on a test flight off into the fog, but it never returned. 8 Mar

I dreamt I was with Big Love’s Barb Henrickson, both of us aware that something terrible was about to happen. But I woke before it occurred. 8 Mar

I dreamt I tried to find room to sleep on a friend’s living room floor, endlessly rearranging my tatami mat, never finding a spot to rest. 8 Mar

I dreamt I stood in line at a movie theater with other Syfy employees to interview the stars inside. I nervously checked I had my recorders. 7 Mar

I dreamt a Star Wars art director dropped by to get my advice on spaceship design, and I held up various household objects for inspiration. 7 Mar

I dreamt I was with Dennis Etchison, critiquing Writer X. Dennis thought the guy was prevaricating, but I thought he was only pontificating. 7 Mar

I dreamt I was editing one of my writers’ posts for Blastr. Which isn’t fair! Isn’t the dreamworld meant to take me AWAY from real life? 6 Mar

I lost another dream to my undecipherable middle-of-the-night handwriting. I wrote: LORT — DISC PANEL ASK THE NEXT Q. Which means what? 6 Mar

I dreamt my brother was unable to tie his shoes because the laces were waxed and so stiff as to be unbendable. I woke with him still trying. 6 Mar

I dreamt that while Keith Olbermann spoke at a Tea Party rally, he was heckled by Lesley Stahl. (Like we’d ever see either of them there!) 6 Mar

I dreamt I was up so late at a con I was delirious, and stumbled through the lobby and halls mumbling incoherently, unable to find my room. 6 Mar

I dreamt a documentary film crew followed around Norman Spinrad, who made many inappropriate pronouncements, none of which I can remember. 5 Mar

I’ve lost one of my dreams! My nighttime scribbled note says, “WAND CHARACTERS TOS.” I think it had something to do with original Star Trek. 4 Mar

I dreamt someone from the electric company told us we weren’t allowed to occupy our second floor for some undetermined period of time. 4 Mar

I dreamt I’d gotten my hands on Captain America’s shield and used it to slice boulders, then realized maybe I shouldn’t let people see this. 4 Mar

In one of my most surreal dreams ever, I dreamt I was a pair of animated Chuck Jones hands arranging items in a jewelry store window. 4 Mar

I dreamt I was a somewhat younger Rod Steiger, hair just starting to gray, appearing on the Dick Cavett show to complain about the Oscars. 4 Mar

I dreamt I received a box from Marvel containing hundreds of comics never actually published. I particularly liked a Gil Kane Conan annual. 3 Mar

I dreamt I was being driven around in a UPS truck by Howard Stern’s kid. Though maybe it was Stern himself as a teenager. We talked movies. 3 Mar

I dreamt I showed Irene the latest issue of Science Fiction Age, which contained a blank signature. (In real life, SFA is _totally_ blank.) 2 Mar

I dreamt I cracked open a chilled bottle of fruit juice, and the inner cap admonished me: “Hug everyone you meet today.” So I did. 2 Mar

I dreamt I was talking to John Kessel, only all that came out of his mouth was gibberish. I asked him to repeat himself, but it didn’t help. 2 Mar

I dreamt I developed an unspecified superpower and honed it by picking up a mountain of nickels one at a time between thumb and forefinger. 2 Mar

I dreamt I was at a pre-Nebulas cocktail party that became even more crowded when each attendee was handed a three-foot-wide flying saucer. 2 Mar

I dreamt I went to a movie screening of Star Trek: TOS that was like Rocky Horror — we shouted at the screen and tossed stuff in the air. 1 Mar

I dreamt a child I’d never seen before but was supposedly my son came up to me in a boy scout uniform and told me about his wonderful hike. 1 Mar

I dreamt I was being interviewed by Ira Glass for an episode of This American Life. We talked about family truths my mother never told me. 1 Mar

I dreamt that as my Dad watched, I packed the contributor copies of my various publications in boxes. I have no idea why I was doing this. 1 Mar