It’s that time again!

Now that it’s August, I’m gathering my July dreams in a bushel to see what happens when they rub up against each other. There were fewer than usual last month, due to too much travel, which always interferes with my usual sleep cycles, and therefore my dreams.

In July, I dreamt of Amy Poehler, Nick Fury, L. Ron Hubbard, Jon Stewart, Estelle Getty, Cersei, and more!

July 2015

I dreamt I saw a skydiver tumble from the sky with a jumbled chute, and then get stuck in the spires of a KFC. People rushed to rescue him. Jul 31

I dreamt that during a conversation with @shunn, he’d keep falling asleep, and when he’d wake up he’d ask the same questions all over again. Jul 31

I dreamt I was reloading a hotel lobby fridge with cupcakes meant to be fed to local deer, and grew upset when people ate them themselves. Jul 31

I dreamt I was in Italy having dinner with my entire family, living and dead, except — my grandmothers had been replaced by Estelle Getty. Jul 30

I dreamt I was in a Providence parking garage with Paul Di Filippo and found boxes of papers I’d thought in storage packed into a parking spot. Jul 29

I dreamt we debated who to bring from an alternate universe with the interdimensional portal we’d invented. I said NO to David Hasselhoff! Jul 28

I dreamt I needed advice on a friend whose trustworthiness I was unable to gauge, and so turned to my close friend Amy Poehler for advice. Jul 27

I dreamt that after a decade working at @TheDailyShow, I was emptying my office and saying goodbye to Jon Stewart, doing shtick together. Jul 27

I dreamt I was the Flash — or at least had his superpowers. And used them to deal with speeding up the refinancing of my home mortgage. Jul 26

I dreamt I was in a spaceship with a full crew, and as we depressurized, I experienced the deaths of all of us over and over from each POV. Jul 25

I dreamt all the teenage girls in the world caught a disease which caused them to instead meow uncontrollably whenever they tried to speak. Jul 23

I dreamt I was the Sparrow, and when Cersei released me from prison, I followed her to a park where I would push her from a roller coaster. Jul 21

I dreamt I was Nick Fury, and after HYDRA captured me, they tortured me by slowly, and one at a time, erasing memories of my favorite meals. Jul 21

I dreamt that as I lay in bed, I noticed a ceiling grate was ajar, realized this meant someone was IN THE ROOM WITH ME, and began to scream. Jul 21

I dreamt I bumped in to a famous ad guy and flattered him by explaining his bio almost made me move back to NY. (But I was lying.) Jul 20

I dreamt a kid stole an ornate steampunk cellphone I’d built, and I had to track him down before the radioactive isotopes inside killed him. Jul 19

I dreamt I was in clouds with an angel who dropped things from the sky, each object designed to change the luck of the person who found it. Jul 18

I dreamt I woke to discover I was with L. Ron Hubbard, who put his arm around my shoulders and said, “And we begin anew.” To every question! Jul 18

I dreamt my wife had a job checking IDs on an Egyptian bus, but one passenger refused, and set off a bomb, and though I flattened, I died. Jul 18

I dreamt I collated a con program with @rosefox, but once I was done I was reminded I should have sliced certain pages with a paper cutter. Jul 17

I dreamt I had to flee an urban apocalypse, grab whatever possessions we wanted to save and run. But our hoarder friend could not decide … Jul 17

I lost a dream because of my lousy half-asleep handwriting. The scrawled note OLD GENERAL STORE NEW [ILLEGIBLE] doesn’t act as a catalyst. Jul 16

I dreamt I looked in a mirror and saw I’d been transformed into Barfolomew from Spaceballs. I then tried, but failed, to alter my hair. Jul 16

I dreamt my wife and I visited a dystopia and were persecuted FOR WEARING UNFASHIONABLE SWEATERS. They were not the current style, you see. Jul 16

I dreamt a serial killer stalked me on a rooftop. Rather than hide, I climbed a chimney shouting his name, so all would know who killed me. Jul 15

I dreamt many (very small) Dr. Seuss characters came alive from out of his books. As they danced around me, I fed them melting ice cream. Jul 15

I dreamt I read an article on the greatest magazine covers ever, only … the covers used to illustrate the piece were uniformly TERRIBLE. Jul 14

I dreamt I was at a Monty Python reunion concert, and when Eric Idle failed to appear, _I_ sang “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life.” Jul 10

I dreamt I took a cab ride, but only after the doors rose open to let me out did I realize the cabbie had driven me in a DeLorean. Jul 7

I dreamt I stood before cemetery gates which somehow transformed into dancing skeletons. Looked sorta like this. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h03QBNVwX8Q Jul 7

I dreamt I saw a tornado heading toward our house, and shouted for my wife to join me in the basement, but she had to finish an email first. Jul 4

I dreamt that in order to escape from zombies I pulled my head into my body like a turtle and fooled them into thinking I was a dead zombie. Jul 4

I dreamt a guy who forges axes was demonstrating his new creation to a little kid, but the kid wouldn’t stop trying to touch, so he stopped. July 3

I dreamt I pitched a publisher on a new magazine, and she liked the idea so much she decided to host a convention on the theme as well. Jul 3

I dreamt I was sent to the set of Saturday Night Live to investigate a murder, but I got nowhere. My questioning kept devolving into shtick. Jul 3