It’s that time of the month again. June is over, so I can look back and see what my subconscious was doing that month while I slept. Popping up in the dreams I reported on Twitter were Philip Seymour Hoffman, Walter White, Mindy Kaling … and, as usual, many of my old comic book friends.

June 2014

I dreamt I was checking into a hotel, but was weirded out that registration was a hospital nursing station. What kind of room would I get? Jun 30

I dreamt I was Louis C.K., and was hired by a mob boss to pitch a softball game. I suspected something bad would happen to the losers. Jun 29

I dreamt a movie in which Philip Seymour Hoffman and Helen Hunt were scientists on a satellite trying to stop a meteor from striking Earth. Jun 28

I dreamt I asked @MindyKaling on a date, only when I picked her up, she’d transformed into @KChenoweth dressed like Glinda the Good Witch! Jun 27

I dreamt my wife and I were at a banquet where only Italian food was served and everyone but us had thick New Jersey accents. But … why? June 27

I dreamt I got into a fight with a guy during which I hit him in the jaw with my shotgun. Machine parts flew from his mouth! He was a robot! June 27

I dreamt my son and I were in the Breaking Bad universe, about to get in a jam with Walter White. But my boy managed to talk us out of it. June 27

I dreamt that due to a natural disaster we hosted college students in our house. They were ungrateful, upset we didn’t give them chocolates. June 26

I dreamt we were on an alien world, and heard the screams of a massacre in the distance, so locked ourselves in a cage where we’d be safe. June 26

I dreamt I drove down an alley and discovered life-sized mannequins dressed like superheroes, including one of the Martian Manhunter. June 25

I dreamt I was flying in a biplane piloted by my wife to visit friends, who we were following in their own plane. They kept almost crashing! June 24

I dreamt @andrewzimmern and I got lousy service in a restaurant and walked out. Once the owner saw who he was, he tried to talk us back in. June 23

I dreamt I had turned invisible, and was pranking Warren Lapine by continually blocking his path. He kept bouncing off me, looking confused. June 21

I dreamt I wandered London’s Chinatown with Bob Silverberg and Karen Haber. (A rather mundane dream, since this could possibly happen.) June 21

I dreamt I was at a Care Bear convention, dressed like a giant red Care Bear. The only other so costumed were kids, and I confused them. June 21

Two dreams last night the subtext of which was — I wished I played the uke better. If only I could find a teacher less than two hours away! June 20

I dreamt I photographed a project the gov’t didn’t want photographed — something like a huge S.H.I.E.L.D. helicarrier — and was hunted. June 17

I dreamt I was on the way to the airport when I realized my reservation was all wrong. Luckily, Roger Sterling was able to fix it for me. June 14

I dreamt I was outside the Martinsburg courthouse waiting for a verdict to be announced as crowds grew and grew. Woke before the verdict! June 14

I dreamt I was arrested, then hassled by three guys in jail. And I thought — was I supposed to talk my way out of it? Or break their noses? June 11

I dreamt I traveled the universe in a rocketship, having amazing adventures, my only companion — a humongous tortoise! June 10

I dreamt the table was beautifully set — china, silver, etc. But right before dinner, I realized 12 were coming, not 6! A rush to redo! June 10

I dreamt I heard a horrible scream at the zoo and discovered a keeper, hands and feet bound, pecked to death by an exotic parrot. A mystery! June 10

I dreamt I got laid off from a mortgage company, and on my last day, my coworkers ate all the candy which had been sent as farewell gifts. June 9

I dreamt a package arrived from China filled with many lovely trinkets and a letter I couldn’t translate, but I hoped it was an invitation. Jun 9

I dreamt I was rushing to a day job, feeling pressured because I was late, and biting into a baked potato as if it were an apple. Jun 9

I dreamt that while disguised as Hillary, I danced with a friend disguised as Oprah. A paparazzi snapped pics of us, thinking we were real. Jun 9

I dreamt that as I was driving downhill toward a red light at an intersection, the brakes failed, because tech aways lets me down in dream. Jun 9

I dreamt the latest Science Fiction Age arrived from the printer, and I flipped through it proudly, showing off the art I’d commissioned. Jun 9

I dreamt my wife made a dozen or so frozen pizzas and scattered them around our kitchen. I tried to resist, failed, and gobbled them down. Jun 7

I dreamt I tried to Instagram a selfie, but it kept coming out way, way too dark — because 99 times out of 100, tech fails me in my dreams. Jun 7

I dreamt I worked at Marvel again, and saw John Verpoorten, Roger Slifer, Jim Shooter, John Romita, Jr. … and even, oddly, Paul Levitz. Jun 6

I dreamt that while working in an office, I explained to someone I was not ambitious, did not have Machiavellian intent. And they laughed! Jun 6

I dreamt a German Shepherd and I rolled around playfully on the ground while those watching laughed. And the German Shepherd laughed, too. Jun 6

I dreamt I told a killer that I’d warned his intended victim never to be alone with him … so he threatened that he’d kill me instead. Jun 6

I dreamt I was trapped on a Lost-like island, ranting about how I would die there, but not before first forgetting the faces of all I loved. Jun 6

I dreamt my backyard was now beach sand, and I slogged through it finding discarded papers — like @2muchexposition‘s mortgage application. Jun 5

I dreamt Marti McKenna tried to convince us to all go to @LenWein‘s house and watch Hill Street Blues reruns, but we weren’t in the mood. June 5

I dreamt a pot-growing friend tried to convince me to start a business with him in which I’d bake his weed into my desserts. (I passed.) June 5

I dreamt we realized a temporal vortex was about to hit our house, and my wife escaped, but I didn’t. It was decades before I saw her again. Jun 5

I dreamt @mrbelm was visiting and having trouble boiling water on a gas range in our backyard — because physics had gone horribly wrong! Jun 4

I dreamt that @BELUTHAHATCHIE and I, from atop a bridge, gazed in wonder at a megalopolis grown from mushrooms and carved into skyscrapers. Jun 4

I dreamt a guy started attacking us with a cleaver — and the way I tried to stop him was by running to a VCR and hitting the pause button. Jun 3

I dreamt I was given a box of letters/documents belonging to one of my grandfathers, and it was filled with references to some other family. Jun 2

I dreamt that while in a line, about to renter the U.S., I realized I’d left the bag containing my passport on the plane, and rushed back. Jun 1