February is long over, but March has been so busy, I’ve been unable until now to gather together the month’s dreams to see what kind of surreal sense they make when rubbing up against each other in one place. So here they are, including guess appearances from Barack Obama, Jim Parsons, Chip Delany, William Shatner, Justin Timberlake, and more.

February 2013


I found this note next to my bed — WORKING ON FILE FOR DEATH ROW GUY — but I have zero memory of the dream it represents. It’s lost!

 Feb 28

I dreamt I was at a zoo where the animals could wander freely, which seemed OK at first, but when the elephant got near, I thought … no.

 Feb 27 


I dreamt I got into a weird debate about eyewear in pop culture, which ended when I won the conversation by saying two words: Swifty Lazar. Feb 26 


I dreamt I was having dinner at ‪@NextRestaurant, talking to ‪@NickKokonas about my upcoming (really happening) lunch at Eleven Madison Park. Feb 26 


I dreamt I was heading to pick up a pig for a pig roast, only when I got there, I worried it was far too big to fit in the back of my Jeep.

 Feb 25 


I dreamt I rode a bus with my friend Allan, heading to deal with an inheritance of his. We arrived at a sunny beach in Miami … and I woke.

 Feb 25 


I dreamt that as I drove home in a stolen car, I stopped to have the oil changed and worried I’d get found out. But … why’d I stop then?

 Feb 25 


I dreamt I ran a publishing company and was addressing the troops, holding up one of Russ Cochran’s EC reprint books to explain a project.Feb 25 
 



I’ve lost one of my dreams, as my hastily scrawled middle-of-the-night note sparks no memory. What can DEPENDS ON HOW EVIL DECISION IS mean?

 Feb 24 


I dreamt Irene and I were watching Star Trek 2 live on TV on opening night, when she quickly shut it, saying “I know crap when I see it.”

 Feb 24 


I dreamt I was low on blood, so went somewhere to be filled up to the proper level via a nozzle, just like you’d put gas in a car. Simple!

 Feb 24 


I dreamt I hosted a telethon with Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake and promised the audience we’d stay awake and perform for 24 hours. Feb 24 


I dreamt I lost my wallet and found it near a hot dog cart. The owner said he left it where it lay because he thought he was being punked.

 Feb 24 


I dreamt Paul Di Filippo marched us from one con hotel to another far distant hotel only to discover we’d been in the right place all along.

 Feb 24 


I dreamt that after selling a piece of our property, we were required to send a card to the Native American tribe who’d originally owned it.

 Feb 24 


I dreamt I caught a mouse by trapping its tail under my heel. I asked for a basket to scoop him up but coworkers wanted me to use my hands.

 Feb 23 


I dreamt I was at a retreat — ‪@BELUTHAHATCHIE was there — when I realized I’d forgotten to bring a story to have critiqued. Anxiety dream!

 Feb 23 


I dreamt I staged an opera with friends in a sunny courtyard. My father was there, alive, smiling, amazed at what nonprofessionals could do.

 Feb 22 


I dreamt that in the middle of a musical, the lights went on in a theater. No announcement. We all looked around and then slowly filed out.

 Feb 22 


I dreamt I was one of two guys who kidnapped Al Capone and held him in a shack. No idea why. He tried to get up, so I socked him in the jaw.

 Feb 22 


I dreamt I started up my Jeep and it would only go in circles. I kept getting out and checking the wheels, but couldn’t find anything wrong. Feb 21 


I dreamt I was discussing ‪@NextRestaurant with the two guys from Wings, after which I packed up and put way my suddenly unappetizing lunch.

 Feb 21

I dreamt I was in a Walking Dead-like post-apocalyptic world, except instead of zombies, it was raptors. Kept thinking I wouldn’t make it.Feb 21

I dreamt I went undercover at a tea company that was selling domestic tea as imported, and had already killed one employee over it.

 Feb 20 


I dreamt about Chip Delany and William Shatner last night, two dreams with an odd similarity requiring explanation. ‪http://www.scottedelman.com/2013/02/19/what-do-chip-delany-and-william-shatner-have-in-common/ Feb 19 


I dreamt I was Walter from Fringe, saving the world by tossing someone into the alt universe. The guy burst into flame as he went through.

 Feb 19

I dreamt I was trapped atop the Empire State Building, the observation deck flooding, elevators inoperative. Why didn’t I just _walk_ down? Feb 19

I dreamt an opera singer harangued us that we weren’t worthy enough to hear him. A woman sitting ahead of me broke down, had to defend her.

 Feb 18 


I dreamt ‪@2muchexposition showed up, distraught because she couldn’t find her bag of Halloween M&Ms. We found them. Then everybody danced!
 

Feb 18 


I dreamt ‪@neilhimself visited, so we threw a spaghetti party, and so many people came by that Irene had to quickly build a ton of furniture.

 Feb 18 


I dreamt I was Barack Obama, and pulled over the presidential bus so I could grab a copy of Locus. Which got the people behind us mad at me.

 Feb 17 


I dreamt I was to take part in an experiment where bathing one of my limbs in a chemical bath would have it turn alien, but I chickened out.

 Feb 17 


I dreamt I received a letter (letter!) from Adam-Troy Castro saying he sold eight stories in one day, including one to Pulphouse. Pulphouse! Feb 17 


I dreamt Adam-Troy Castro and I performed an anonymous prank at Wordcon, creating a fake (funny!) schedule and leaving it on freebie tables.

 Feb 16 


I dreamt I was in the audience of The Colbert Show when Candice Bergen came on and danced, but he didn’t like it and gave her the hook.

 Feb 16

I dreamt my Mom was telling me much she missed Dad, which confused me. He was sitting right there. “Can’t you see him?” But she couldn’t. Feb 16 


I dreamt my wife picked up a frozen pizza which I started eating thawed before looking at the box — then saw it was ‪@BryanVoltaggio brand!

 Feb 15 


I dreamt I chatted with ‪@Paul_Cornell about his plans to demote Nick Fury from Sergeant. But he had to run to a panel before I got details.

 Feb 15 


I dreamt Irene and I drove through some strange city needing to make a left turn to get home, but street after street only allowed rights.

 Feb 14 


I dreamt I was in downtown Martinsburg when a parade of college students in beat-up old jalopies drove through town celebrating graduation.

 Feb 14 


I dreamt I dropped by DC Comics — a DC Comics where Paul Levitz still ran the show — and he challenged me to a game of Pong.

 Feb 14 


I dreamt a mobster’s henchman spotted me after I’d faked my death, and insisted I bribe him so he wouldn’t tell his boss I needed killing. Feb 14

I dreamt that — for no reason I can figure out — I was on a talk show with Teri Hatcher. She was tipsy and said many amusing things. Feb 14 


I dreamt that I was at a deli counter late one New Year’s Eve pushing through the crowd to take a number. We were all in a good, happy mood. Feb 13 


I dreamt I was reading a novel by Stan Lee. Well, _trying_ to read it anyway. My struggle to make out any of the words woke me right up.

 Feb 13 


I dreamt I was trapped at a small-town garage after ripping up my car’s undercarriage. The people there were bad … but the BBQ was good!

I dreamt ‪@rosefox and I were proofing a graphic novel and up against a deadline. We needed to head somewhere but I didn’t know where or why. Feb 13 


I dreamt I moved back to NYC into an apartment on 38th Street just to be closer to ‪@NextRestaurant. Which is odd — ’cause it’s in Chicago! Feb 13 


I dreamt I wandered a Heritage exhibit of hundreds of pages of original Ditko Spider-Man art. Hundreds? That much probably doesn’t exist.

 Feb 12

I dreamt I wandered an old timey town square that could have been in a Bradbury tale. The place was deserted and the gazebo had been stolen.

 Feb 12

I dreamt all of my coworkers tweeted pics of themselves falling out of windows — or pretending to — to promote an upcoming TV project.



I dreamt I was outside Sovereign Media when government agents forced me to the ground at gunpoint. They wanted me to help them with a sting.



I dreamt I wandered a near empty convention hotel — saw Connie Willis, though — where the committee was losing money due to the blizzard.

 Feb 10 


I dreamt Irene and I were getting married again, she in white dress, me in tux, and the officiant had us open presents during the ceremony.

I dreamt I was inside with George Wendt, who’d been turned into a supposedly tame zombie. You said I was safe, but he kept trying to eat me.

 Feb 10 


I dreamt I received a contract to option a story titled “Old School Rock” for a movie, only — I’ve never written anything with that title! Feb 9 


I dreamt a guy was trying to convince me and him to drop by ‪@neilhimself‘s house unannounced, and I said, no, dude, you just don’t DO that.

 Feb 9 


I dreamt I lightly touched a towering stack of china in a shop and it all came crashing down, shattering. I woke expecting to find the same.

 Feb 9

I dreamt I hung upside down by a rope from a tree like Tarzan, then downloaded a comic of me upside down by a rope from a tree like Tarzan. Feb 8 


I dreamt Stephen Amell was having trouble completing an intro for an Arrow graphic novel, so ‪@CraigEngler and I were feeding him ideas.

 Feb 8 


I dreamt I started working at 30 Rock and was given a nativity scene as a welcome gift. I thought — don’t they know I was born Jewish? Feb 8

I dreamt my son got a job as a plater at J.J. Abrams’ new restaurant. Which is kinda odd, ’cause my son is as far from a foodie as possible.Feb 7

I dreamt that after our afternoon rehearsal, I waited in the SNL dressing room for that night’s live show. Bill Hader napped on the couch. Feb 6 


I dreamt I was in a clothing store when Irene’s long-dead mother walked in, flabbergasting me. When I called Irene over, Mom vanished.

 Feb 5 


I dreamt I was chastised by a medium for standing during a seance, and Irene defended me, calling it — and the whole thing — bullshit.

 Feb 5 


I dreamt I was on the Daily Show, ruined one of Stewart’s punchlines. Tried to cover with kibitzing, but he stared in silent disappointment.Feb 5



I dreamt I ran through what could have been an airport terminal, only the signs reflected old TV show names rather than gates. No idea why.

 Feb 5 


I dreamt I sat in a massive foreign dining room that seemed to stretch on without end, ordered in Spanish when I should have spoken German. Feb 4 


I dreamt I shared an apartment with the Big Bang Theory guys — and hewing to the letter of that roommate agreement was no fun!

 Feb 4 


I dreamt I drove a guy to his ex-wife’s house for some reason, and then she blocked us in and stole my car keys. No idea when we’d get out.

 Feb 4 


I dreamt I was on a Sunday morning talk show debating rainbows with a line-up of talking heads upset political groups used them as symbols. Feb 4

I had a dream about my Dad last night, but I remember none of the details, only that I dreamt of him. I hate it when that happens.

 Feb 3

I dreamt I waited for a spot to open up in a Worldcon game room so I could join in. Which seems odd now, as it’s something I’ve never done.

 Feb 3

I dreamt I bumped into Jim Parsons in Washington Square Park, shivering from the cold. I offered him my jacket, but he refused to accept it.

 Feb 3

I dreamt I was sent to a site which would accurately predict the date of one’s death, and I was the only one I knew for whom it didn’t work.

 Feb 3 


I dreamt that when I pointed my iPhone at my son to snap a picture, he was transformed on the screen into a baby. I want that app! Feb 3

I dreamt I watched a 60 Minutes restaurateur profile: “Loot all you want, I’ll show up with hot dogs and beer, and start all over again.”

 Feb 2 


I dreamt I was having dinner at ‪@NextRestaurant with four friends who weren’t foodies, and I couldn’t figure out why I’d invited them. Feb 2 


I dreamt I sat with my son flipping through a box of back issues of Crazy, looking for an article we wanted to reread, but never found.

 Feb 1

I dreamt I wandered an arcade, spotted money on the floor, and called to a woman to see if it was hers. She angrily said to leave it there.

 Feb 1 


I dreamt I was a federal agent in a parking garage attempting to escape kidnappers. Made it into an elevator, then — one of them was there!

 Feb 1 


I dreamt I was about to begin a multi-day bus ride to get to an airport so I could fly home. I was confused. How could I be that distant?

 Feb 1

I dreamt I hung out in a bar with Jon Stewart, Wyatt Cenac, and Jessica Williams, discussing in Daily Show fashion a recent racial incident.

 Feb 1