A new month has begun, and so, as usual, I gather together my dreams (which I tweet whenever they occur) from the month before to see whether poetry can be made from allowing them to rub up against each other. During the first month of 2013, I dreamt of Isaac Asimov, Batman, Sean Connery, Gardner Dozois, Larry David, and maybe some of you.

JANUARY 2013

I dreamt Eric Van had written an original song for me to play on the ukulele. Sadly, I knocked over my drink and accidentally erased it.

 31 Jan

I dreamt I was free falling, head toward the earth, feet toward the sky. It as pleasant, though I woke before I needed to open my chute.

 30 Jan 
 



I dreamt I listened to Isaac Asimov speak at a kaffeeklatsch for two hours, then headed off to the con suite. Sadly, I remember no details.

 30 Jan

I dreamt I was an old Chinese guy amused to be taken to a Chinese restaurant by someone who thought I’d like it. Woke before I ate anything! 

30 Jan

I dreamt I sliced peppers at ‪@NextRestaurant, ‪@GAchatz watching. When I looked upon what I had done, I was embarrassed by my sloppy work.

 30 Jan 


I dreamt I talked to Conan O’Brien about online reviewing ethics. He didn’t speak, just raised an eyebrow quizzically. Man, was he tall.

 30 Jan

I appear to have lost a dream, because now that I’m awake, I have no idea what my middle-of-the-night scribble ACCEPT WEIRD MEAL means. 

28 Jan

I dreamt I drove with the ambassador when his head was cut off. I demanded to be taken to the airport — but Sean Connery insisted we fight.

 28 Jan 


I dreamt I waited with a huge crowd for the arrival of a bus I _had_ to catch, and was required to remove my shoes before I could board. 

28 Jan 


I dreamt I made a meal out of hundreds of differently flavored bees hovering about me that I plucked out of the air one by one and savored. 

28 Jan


I dreamt I was kibitzing with Len Wein, Marv Wolfman, Paul Levitz and Woody Allan about Judaism, ending with Marv falling down laughing. 

27 Jan 
 



I dreamt Batman tracked me down to help decode a puzzle from one of his enemies. He fumed as we circled a canvas filled with random letters.

 27 Jan 


I dreamt I was writing out a contract to reprint one of Arthur C. Clarke’s stories in an anthology, and happy I’d met him before he passed. 

27 Jan 


I dreamt I was part of a secret spy team blocking a road to catch terrorists. Who then watched helplessly as their truck took another road. 

26 Jan 


I dreamt I tried to calm down an overly manic woman I just met at a party who acted as if we’d always known each other, with little success.

 26 Jan

I dreamt I chased Gardner Dozois along a broad avenue under an elevated train line trying to give him a puppy. But he ran faster than me.

 26 Jan 


I dreamt I threatened to punch a guy at a con because he was throwing baseballs at people’s heads as hard as he could. So he stopped.

 26 Jan 


I dreamt dozens of slices of salami hung from my refrigerator door — whenever I walked by, I’d rip one off like a calendar page and eat it.

 25 Jan 



I dreamt I nervously watched a video about a bunny repeatedly dropped from a height determined by the roll of a die. Yet — it enjoyed it.

 25 Jan 


I dreamt Irene drove me to work, but once I got there, I wasn’t sure I wanted to go in — someone had been murdered there the day before.

 23 Jan

I dreamt I watched a rock band rehearse for a New Year’s Eve gig, which involved a huge Easter Island statue on stage. I blame ‪@klingonguy. 

20 Jan 



I dreamt I was memorializing Steve Utley by drawing his caricature. Which, since I have no artistic talent, makes no sense awake or asleep. 

19 Jan 

 



I dreamt I attempted to record an opera for my wife, but as usual for 99% of the dreams in which I try to use tech, couldn’t get it to work. 

19 Jan 

 



I dreamt that after an apocalypse, I was the guy who started delivering mail again from village to village as civilization began to rebuild.

 

19 Jan

I dreamt I was trapped in an old house packed with both zombies and fellow zombie fighters, so crowded I couldn’t lift my shotgun to aim. 



19 Jan 



I dreamt I started eating a cookie which looked extremely delicious, but which tasted _horrible_, so I threw it out. Which means … ?

 

18 Jan 

 



I dreamt we were in a foreign country, Irene stepped out, and when I woke the next morning, she hadn’t returned. Started to call the police. 



18 Jan 



I dreamt our tree guy was here. As we talked inside, I could hear rhythmic on and off chainsawing. Woke. Turned out to be Irene snoring. 



17 Jan 

 



I dreamt I marched through the woods with my group in a zombie-filled world, unable to pause, because we knew if we did — they’d catch us.

 

16 Jan 



I dreamt I smelled burning as I ate in a restaurant, so checked the kitchen — all chefs had fled! Luckily, I was wearing my toque blanche.

 

15 Jan 

 



I dreamt I was called upon to sing a foreign national anthem I didn’t know, but now that I’m awake I can’t remember which or why.

 

14 Jan 

 



I dreamt I asked for Eduard Khil records in an Iron Curtain market. But couldn’t recall his name, so kept singing “Trololololololololololo.”

 

14 Jan 



I dreamt I fed a manuscript into a photocopier via a long conveyer belt, and my words killed the machine. Lots of sparks and smoke! 



14 Jan 

 



I dreamt I was an artist sketching a dragon crashing through a church’s stained glass window to show an editor the book cover I would paint.

 

13 Jan 

 



I dreamt I’d fallen into a pit of loose snow and struggled to climb out. I could see police in the distance, but couldn’t make them hear me.

 

13 Jan 



I dreamt I was at an airport gate, waiting to fly home from a foreign land. I don’t know which foreign land. But I know I had my ukulele. 



13 Jan

I dreamt someone I was searching for was described to me like so: “He looked like Jay Lake thought.” Which really wasn’t very helpful.

 

11 Jan 


I dreamt I taught at a school that painted half its students blue and the other half green as an experiment. Which was a very bad idea. 

11 Jan 



I dreamt I was on the rooftop of a parking garage with ‪@mwillmoth, filming 360 degrees of horizon as he described the old timey town we saw. 

10 Jan 



I dreamt I was at the midpoint of a flooding tunnel between Brooklyn and Manhattan, rallying folks for the slog home through rising water. 

10 Jan 



I dreamt that Massachusetts refused to accept other states drivers licenses as valid ID, and required me to get a special local ID to visit. 

10 Jan 



I dreamt I was in London for the premiere of a Star Wars opera, and the night sky over the theater was filled with dancing spaceships.
 9 Jan 


I dreamt the entire Syfy staff showed up at my house to take part in an envelope-stuffing party for a PR mailing promoting an upcoming show.

 9 Jan

I dreamt I saw an Austrian family dressed in lederhosen, tried to explain my Vienna trip — they only understood the words “Die Fledermaus.” 

9 Jan 


I dreamt I was a limo driver shuttling Larry David around Manhattan. As you can imagine, it wasn’t a pleasant experience.

 8 Jan

I dreamt my old pal Kramer from Seinfeld was now a bellman at a Chicago hotel and — giggling in the lobby — got Irene and me a free suite.

 8 Jan

I dreamt I was with ‪@shunn on his 60th birthday as he tried to decide which beer was worthy of the celebration. My dead Dad was there, too.

 8 Jan

I know I dreamt last night, and that all my dreams were travel-related — airports, foreign countries, etc. — but all details have fled. 

7 Jan 



I dreamt I was hired as an SNL regular, but got in trouble my first night on the show when I improvised by throwing stuff at Fred Armisen. 6 Jan 


I dreamt I created fake art objects — a Roy Lichtenstein Donald Duck bowling pin, a Calvino/Delany pamphlet — which I would use in hoaxes.

 4 Jan

I dreamt I hung out with Bill O’Reilly and Jon Stewart, taking turns tossing crumpled papers at a trash bin, cheering if any of us sank one. 4 Jan 


I dreamt we walked to ‪@NextRestaurant, but it started raining, so we stopped at ‪@CeciliaTan‘s new restaurant for a drink until it cleared.

 4 Jan 


I dreamt my boss ‪@craigengler, all spiffed out in a three-piece suit, gave a speech about record resale prices for Amazing Fantasy #15. Odd. 3 Jan 


I dreamt that as I wandered the streets of Manhattan, I stumbled on the remains of Ren and Stimpy, gigantic, exploded into shards.

 3 Jan 


I dreamt my father, dead nearly four years now, had died just the other day, and Paul Levitz came up to me to offer his sympathies.

 2 Jan 


I dreamt aliens, disguised (poorly) as humans, cast a bunch of us in a movie they were making only to get a chance to study us more closely.

 2 Jan 


I dreamt I told a nasty guy who only had weeks to live he should go home and spend his remaining time making peace with friends and family.

 1 Jan 


I dreamt I saw Stan Lee out in a parking lot and wished him Merry Christmas, which puzzled us both, so I corrected myself to Happy New Year.

 1 Jan

I dreamt my son was able to do a perfect Dalek impression, and the Who people wanted him for the show, but he’d only do it for friends.

 1 Jan

I dreamt I had a horrible cough at a con, and ‪@MikeMarano ran off to get me cough medicine. Which makes sense — he’s covering for me today.

 1 Jan