Now that January is over, it’s time (as usual) to assemble my dream tweets and see whether they gain any meaning from rubbing up against each other in one spot. My guest stars this month included Willard Scott, the parents from The Wonder Years, Woody Allen, John Kessel, Rick Perry, Woozy Winks, Keanu Reeves, and maybe you.

Let’s see, shall we?

JANUARY 2011

I dreamt I was at Shopsins and saw Mark Evanier at the next table, who wanted to know if I was was in town to see the restored Godfather 31 Jan

I dreamt I headed home from an office, and when I got in the elevator, realized, “Hey! I’m barefoot!” So I ran back to my desk for my shoes. 31 Jan

I dreamt I slipped a computer box over my hand and my arm transformed into Thor’s hammer, which I pounded while declaring, “I’m not worthy!” 30 Jan

I dreamt the bus I rode on was taken hostage, which happened so often it came equipped with board games to play until ransom could be paid. 30 Jan

I dreamt I wandered city streets at 2:00 a.m. looking for a decent restaurant, and couldn’t get Yelp to work. Tech always fails me in dream. 30 Jan

I dreamt two friends returned from a midnight visit to Mexico scraped up and with torn clothing, and as they cleaned up, I was very jealous. 30 Jan

I dreamt that as I explained to Rick Perry where his campaign went wrong, he draped an arm on my shoulders and lectured me condescendingly. 29 Jan

I dreamt that after a hoop-skirted woman had to pull a gun on an evil mining boss, I was called in as a union organizer to shake things up. 29 Jan

I dreamt I was visiting friends in China when my brother tried to videochat with me via Google+, but as in all my dreams, technology failed. 29 Jan

I dreamt that as I interviewed Woody Allen at his parents’ apartment, I suddenly realized … Gee, it might be a good idea to record this. 28 Jan

I dreamt I wandered into a local restaurant and found @AdamRichman filming. I thanked him for hooking me up with the greatest burger ever! 27 Jan

I dreamt I wandered the Readercon hotel with John Kessel while there was no Readercon, telling him how sad I would be to miss it this year. 27 Jan

I dreamt I was up at DC Comics for a memorial service (Jerry Robinson’s, I think) and Paul Levitz told me I should stop hogging the cake. 27 Jan

I dreamt I was working in a laboratory on a lightbulb the size of a small child, worried I’d drop the thing before I could get it to work. 27 Jan

I dreamt I ran lines with Saul Rubinek for a sci-fi movie we were making, and I remembered my part … until the cameras started rolling. 26 Jan

I dreamt of Keanu Reeves asleep on my couch and a leaking ceiling which required me to place buckets under it, but … the details are gone. 24 Jan

Last night, I had overly exciting dreams about @neilhimself, @jamescallis and The Question: http://www.scottedelman.com/2012/01/24/dreaming-of-neil-gaiman-jamie-callis-and-the-question/ 24 Jan

I dreamt I annoyed all my friends by coming up with a personal catchphrase and dropping it into every conversation: “Do the math!” 24 Jan

I dreamt I spotted a baby elephant in the wild, and when I began to sing, he lay and nuzzled against me. I trusted he would not crush me. 23 Jan

I dreamt that after a supply raid on a zombie-infested city, my band was escaping when we saw a different group, all in white stretch limos. 22 Jan

I dreamt I looked up and noticed a massive leg of lamb I’d cooked 12 hours earlier but forgot to refrigerate, and would have to toss. Sad. 22 Jan

I dreamt I angered Dr. Phil by creeping up beside him while he was in the middle of an interview to unplug the iPhone I’d left nearby. 22 Jan

I dreamt I was advising a gay couple who wanted kids on the adoption process, and they seemed sad, and skeptical it could actually happen. 21 Jan

Managed to fall back asleep and catch some more zzzzzzs. Dreamt I was Plastic Man and Adam Sandler was Woozy Winks. Oy. 21 Jan

I dreamt we were planning my mother-in-law’s funeral, all of us wearing robes as we debated whether mourners should be anointed with oils. 20 Jan

I dreamt I sat in a food court with my wife and son eating a sandwich using two slices of Scicilian pizza. Why haven’t I really tried this? 20 Jan

I dreamt I hopped in the car for a drive to the site of a nuclear explosion … only the car wouldn’t start. Damn finicky machinery. 20 Jan

I dreamt two guys with knives jumped me, I pulled my own knife, and we got into a furious fight. Tried calling 911, but phone wouldn’t work. 19 Jan

I dreamt I disappointed Danny Thomas by telling him on live TV I would no longer credit him on my blog. Grumpy, he complained to his wife. 19 Jan

I dreamt I was Laura Linney in The Big C, snapping a photo of my students because they were particularly proud of something they’d done. 19 Jan

I dreamt I was singing “Ac-Cent-Tchu-Ate the Positive” with friends on the street, but I no longer remember why or with whom. 19 Jan

I dreamt I was Stephen Colbert and “accidentally” dropped a famous painting off a museum roof. (I only saw the back, so I don’t know which.) 18 Jan

I dreamt John Lithgow was a hunted spy and Adam Sandler the schmoe caught up in it all. But I had no idea which of two I was supposed to be. 18 Jan

I dreamt I was at Radio City Music Hall singing along as “This Friendly World” was performed, and feeling smug because I knew Andy Kaufman. 18 Jan

I dreamt I was an ad guy at 30 Rock watching a broadcast of SNL and angry the FCC censored (I’ve no idea why) my ad for Wizens hamburgers. 18 Jan

I dreamt I lay on a carpet and let a dog snuffle in my hair, but then I grew afraid it would decide to devour me whole. Luckily, I woke up. 17 Jan

I dreamt Private Practice‘s Sheldon Wallace explained how he planned to commit tax fraud, which I tried to tell him wasn’t such a good idea. 17 Jan

I was visited by @doctorow last night in a dream far too complex to stay contained in my usual 140 characters: http://www.scottedelman.com/2012/01/17/cory-doctorow-slips-me-some-dream-drugs/ 16 Jan

I dreamt I was on the staff of a senator who just had a scandal break, and realized I’d have to start sleeping at the office for nonstop PR. 16 Jan

I dreamt that as we admired far too beautiful mountains, Irene said, “I’m dreaming, aren’t I?” To which I replied, “No, _I’m_ dreaming.” 16 Jan

I dreamt I hung around a con registration area with Geoff Landis, whispering about Terry Pratchett, when the guy appeared. Like Beetlejuice! 16 Jan

I dreamt I was completing a poll on my favorite song, noted it was for gov’t employees only, then fled before I could be arrested for fraud. 15 Jan

I dreamt I was a filmmaker traveling the Midwest making a documentary about HS football. (About which in real life, I care nothing.) 15 Jan

I dreamt I tried to cross a street only to be smashed by a vrooming racecar. I crawled to the safety of the curb, watched by bored children. 15 Jan

I dreamt I walked through a fog so dense I couldn’t see where I stepped, tapping the sidewalk with my staff. In the distance, Irene’s voice. 15 Jan

I dreamt I was an African American teenage girl (first time THAT’S ever happened) heading home late at night, having to dodge … wildcats. 15 Jan

I dreamt Gordon Van Gelder and I served pancakes to SFWA members, and he’d occasionally put a lit firecracker in one to keep it interesting. 15 Jan

I dreamt of being trapped in an out-of-control elevator and waking to realize it was a dream. Then woke to realize THAT was a dream, too. 15 Jan

I dreamt Irene and I wandered the dealers room of a romance convention scoping out which table would be hers to hawk copies of her books. 14 Jan

I dreamt Irene and I moved back to Brooklyn, and now lived with roommate @tinytempest. We sat around sharing a huge bucket of Cracker Jacks. 13 Jan

I dreamt I was in a musical with that guy from Alka-Seltzer’s spicy meatball ad. Arms locked, we danced around a Mad Men-like set, singing. 13 Jan

I dreamt we hopped a plane for London, and somehow ended up at the Syfy office instead, where my coworkers were having a Mardi Gras parade. 11 Jan

I dreamt I accidentally walked in on a friend’s therapy session, and was then angrily waved off by the shrink. My friend never even noticed. 11 Jan

I dreamt a giant log blocked the road and after some guys pulled out a chainsaw, I helped clear it. Once I found my leather gloves, that is. 11 Jan

I dreamt I wandered my HS and found our mascot, a crippled duck, which I was told not to approach. So I remained still until it came to me. 11 Jan

I dreamt I was swimming with my Dad in a larger than Olympic-sized pool, but had to stop to run errands. By the time I returned, he was gone. 10 Jan

I dreamt Mary Turzillo and I debated whether we’d see @ResaNelson at Worldcon this year, after which Resa showed up to say no, we wouldn’t. 10 Jan

I dreamt we were about to eat a cooked lion cub and wondered whether it was wild or farm raised. (And no one from PETA arrived to wake me.) 10 Jan

I dreamt a bunch of us sat in a circle around @maureenmcq as she told us of the call she received from Spielberg praising her collection. 9 Jan

I dreamt something horrible happened in a small town and I had to pretend to those who did it that I didn’t know or else there’d be trouble. 8 Jan

I dreamt I gave a tour of a new science museum to my wife’s parents, who in the dream were portrayed by the parents from The Wonder Years. 7 Jan

I dreamt I was Spider-Man. And I was in Cuba. And I used my web shooters to seal my hotel room door (from the inside) with lots of webbing. 7 Jan

I dreamt Willard Scott was the mastermind behind a vast international conspiracy attempting to kidnap me to do battle a la Hunger Games. 6 Jan

I dreamt that leaving the house, I felt through a pocket I’d remembered my phone. But when I tried to use it I only had a TV remote control! 6 Jan

I dreamt that on my lunch break, I donned leathers and drove my Lamborghini. Until I realized — I can’t afford a Lamborghini! Then I woke. 6 Jan

I dreamt I drove a snowmobile through Manhattan until I reached snowless streets. So I then hoisted it over my shoulders and walked on. 6 Jan

I dreamt a cult leader came up claiming to know me under a different name, trying to convince me that I was living under a false identity. 5 Jan

I dreamt I didn’t show a primitive man photos I took of him and his village for fear he’d think I stole his soul and slaughtered his people. 5 Jan

I dreamt I rushed through an opera house to attend a live performance, only when I got to the theater, I discovered it was prerecorded. 4 Jan

I dreamt I was in Blastr‘s content management system editing a review of a new Lionel Richie CD, which somehow made perfect sense in dream. 2 Jan

I dreamt I was in the universe of Justified, being chased by the bad guys, and hoping that Raylan Givens caught up with me before they did. 2 Jan

I dreamt I searched for water in the wild with my dog, both of us incredibly thirsty, feeling a deeper love than I’d ever felt toward a pet. 2 Jan

I dreamt that as I wandered a garden, I came across a snake battling a toad, each attempting to swallow the other. I woke with no winner. 2 Jan

I dreamt I was talking to a poor kid who was sad because his parents refused to put up the family Christmas tree until after New Year’s Eve. 1 Jan

I dreamt I was watching the (as yet unaired) Game of Thrones series finale, then realized as it flew by, the episode was merely penultimate. 1 Jan