I was skimming Us Weekly today and—

Before I go any further, I guess I should stop there and explain why the heck I’ve got a copy of Us Weekly around. I had some expiring frequent flier miles a few months back, and rather than let them go to waste, I traded in miles for a subscription. (As well as subs to Wired and The New York Observer and Time and a few other magazines.)

But now that I see what Us Weekly really is, I realize I’d have been better off letting those miles expire … because it makes People seem like The Atlantic.

The latest issue contained a list on “25 Stars Who Are Authors,” and here’s who the editors chose:

Britney Spears
Brooke Shields
Carrie Fisher
Chelsea Handler
Ethan Hawke
Felicity Huffman
Howard Stern
Jay-Z
Jenny McCarthy
Julianne Moore
JWoww
Kendra Wilkinson
Kim Cattrall
Lauren Conrad
Madonna
Nicole Richie
Pamela Anderson
Paris Hilton
Rob Lowe
Rosie O’Donnell
Sammy Hagar
Snooki
Tommy Lee
Whitney Port
Whoopi Goldberg

That was the best they could come up with? Some of them are acceptable, but as for the rest, well, I doubt that a couple of these stars even read the books they were supposed to have written!

How about Steve Martin? Or Danica McKellar? Or James Franco? Anybody but Snookie and JWoww … please!

I know, I know. I’m expecting too much. But somehow I suspect Us Weekly would find a way to disappoint me even if I was expecting too little.