Another month has gone by, which means I’ve dreamed another mess o’ dreams, so I’ve gathered them in one place because they somehow seem more meaningful when they rub up against each other like this. And more surreal, too.

Special guest stars this month include Bob Newhart, Bob Silverberg, Fred Pohl, Cybill Shepherd, Don Draper, the Queen—and who knows, maybe even you.

I dreamt I was scripting a new issue of a comic about a hero I’d never seen before, flipping through pencil art bound together like a book. 30 Nov

I dreamt I was giving my opening talk to a new class of Clarion students. Inexplicably, on the wall behind me were huge drawings of the JLA. 30 Nov

I dreamt I was explaining the allure of San Diego Comic-Con to Adam Richman of Man v. Food. He seemed amused, but not convinced. 30 Nov

I dreamt I discussed my past life working for the company that imported St. Paul Girl with Barry Longyear, who said he’d worked for Beck’s. 30 Nov

I dreamt Lt. Dangle wasted his bullets firing his gun into the air rather than at the armed gang approaching, then looked at me sheepishly. 29 Nov

I dreamt I was at the bottom of a flight of stairs staring up at my son and sister-in-law across a pile of hundreds of empty VHS tape boxes. 29 Nov

I dreamt I rolled out huge squares of dough on a glass table and topped them with jam, but woke before I was able to cook or eat the result. 29 Nov

I dreamt I waited outside a Giant supermarket for it to close, after which I scavenged discarded onions, grapes and purple and white lilies. 28 Nov

I dreamt a man was telling me the tale of how my mother-in-law saved his family business from going under by buying out the store one day. 28 Nov

I dreamt I had trouble juggling (pointlessly using my glow-in-the-dark pins during the day) because everything kept trying to float off. 28 Nov

I dreamt I donated blood in the UK. I should have realized, because I felt no pain as the needle went in, that it was a dream, but I didn’t. 27 Nov

I’ve lost one of last night’s dreams, because I can no longer decipher the meaning of this hastily scrawled note: “HULK CARRY CHANGE.” 26 Nov

I dreamt I wandered Coney Island with Irene, sweating from the heat. The thermometer she carried explained why — it read 3,227 degrees! 26 Nov

I dreamt I returned to my car in a parking garage to find all four tires slashed. I waited for AAA with Det. Bunk Moreland from The Wire. 26 Nov

I dreamt I was in a Zach Galifianakis movie, unfortunately as Zach Galifianakis. I was chasing after a woman, stumbling about, my fly open. 25 Nov

I dreamt I still worked for Marvel and received, along with all employees, a mass recorded message from Archie Goodwin in which he fired me. 25 Nov

I dreamt I bumped in Paul Di Filippo in the lobby of the Readercon hotel in the most un-Readercon of ways — I was swinging a lightsaber. 24 Nov

I dreamt I made a guest appearance on a Seinfeld-esque sitcom, my hair done up in a reverse Mohawk, a narrow strip shaved across my scalp. 24 Nov

I dreamt strange alien music was playing, and I raced around the house trying to hide the radio before others could hear and be transformed. 23 Nov

I dreamt that while walking along a muddy lawn, I fell into a sinkhole up to my waist. I couldn’t get free, and cried for help until I woke. 23 Nov

I dreamt that while picking up my meal at a McDonald’s drive through, I was handed ten CDs of African rock bands as some sort of prize. 23 Nov

I dreamt that while wandering an apartment complex, I ran across a fan-run party, but the hostess asked to leave because I was too mundane. 22 Nov

I dreamt I recoiled from the sight of a horrifying speedboat disaster, but then my POV shifted, and I realized it had all been done via SFX. 22 Nov

I dreamt I was eating at a restaurant where waiters would put sizzling bits of meat directly into your mouth using long skewers. 21 Nov

I dreamt I was traveling across Ireland by bus and chatting with a couple of guys next to me about how their gig had gone the night before. 21 Nov

I dreamt a mall had been taken over by aliens disguised as humans. I was barred by smiling security guards from entering any of the shops. 20 Nov

I dreamt I was in a theater lobby with my sister-in-law looking at posters while she did the world’s worst Arnold Schwarzenegger impression. 20 Nov

I dreamt I chatted with Bob Silverberg and Fred Pohl as we sped through a Worldcon dealers room on a moving walkway. The roads must roll! 20 Nov

I dreamt I bumped into Geoff Landis in a stairwell as he rehearsed a song from a Broadway musical. Sadly, I can’t remember the number! 20 Nov

I dreamt that after parking at the mall in an extremely distant space, a yellow submarine pulled up next to me and Sergio Aragones got out. 19 Nov

I dreamt Irene got a job at the White House, and was upset when I realized this meant I wouldn’t be allowed to tweet anymore. 19 Nov

I dreamt I went to a party thrown by the Queen, and worried — I wasn’t wearing a jacket! But it was OK, because they were serving paninis. 19 Nov

I just spent a night devoid of dream, which considering the active state of my dreamlife, was far more unsettling than any dream could be. 18 Nov

I dreamt I got into an argument with a doorman who wouldn’t let me take off in a cab, but instead tried to force me into his friend’s limo. 17 Nov

I dreamt I killed a man using a pistol and shotgun, then ransacked his apartment. But what I’d come for was gone. I ran off empty-handed. 17 Nov

I dreamt Johnny Romita (Sr. not Jr.) visited, looking like he did back at Marvel. I pulled out my original art, and we relived the past. 17 Nov

I dreamt I went undercover in a Donnie Brasco kind of way, and ended up infiltrating a gang made up mostly of multiple Mark Wahlbergs. 16 Nov

I dreamt I helped Chuck complete one of his missions. And by “helped,” I mean tried not to get in the way as he performed superhuman feats. 16 Nov

I dreamt Irene and I stopped our mobile home in what turned out to be one of those strange Lovecraftian small towns and were forced to flee. 16 Nov

I dreamt I visited a bondage club with Bob Newhart (or maybe I _was_ Bob Newhart) trying to track down the man who killed his/my daughter. 16 Nov

I dreamt I tried to buy fruitcake from Will Ferrell at a Brooklyn street fair, but every time I reached for a slice — it vanished! 16 Nov

I dreamt I was in line with Robert Downey, Jr. buying Iron Man tickets. He was drunk, stoned, or extremely confused. I couldn’t tell which. 15 Nov

I dreamt I was being chased by zombies and egged on by friends as I ran toward the safe haven of a doorway with heads exploding around me. 15 Nov

I dreamt I won a chess tournament, and as I was presented with the gold medal, I thought — I wish my Dad was still here to see this. 14 Nov

I dreamt I was working on an ad campaign for Don Draper, and looked across my desk at crude sketches drawn by children with crayons. 13 Nov

I dreamt a woman asked why I was wearing a purse, and I looked down to see I carried that gold embroidered shoulder bag from my hippie days. 13 Nov

I dreamt I wandered an unidentified Worldcon, browsing freebie tables, trying to fill in the holes in my collection of 15 daily newsletters. 13 Nov

I dreamt that while dressing for the Nebulas, I found a set of deely bobbers I had to return to either Jonathan Lethem or Paolo Bacigalupi. 12 Nov

I dreamt I visited World Color Press, where I was presented with a medallion containing a chip imprinted with every comic I’d ever written. 12 Nov

I dreamt I was in bed with a Moonlighting-era Cybill Shepherd, propped up on pillows, watching TV, and critiquing a Frank Gorshin movie. 12 Nov

I dreamt my mouth was filled with broken glass, and rather than spit it out, I was desperately trying to swallow. But I can’t remember why. 11 Nov

I dreamt I was on a rooftop when a softball hit from below whizzed by. Before I could retrieve it, it ricocheted back to the screaming team. 10 Nov

I dreamt a dream that is gone for good, because I no longer have any idea what my middle of the night note “memo animation aisle” means. 10 Nov

I dreamt I was the homeless brother from The Big C, and acting very silly to distract my sister and her husband, who were arguing. 10 Nov

I dreamt my mother drove my brother and me across Brooklyn, and dropped us off on Kings Highway, where I picked up a sack of salt bagels. 10 Nov

I dreamt I was young Original Trek Nimoy filming a scene in which I sat by a fire eating a rat on a stick while a battle raged around me. 9 Nov

I dreamt that while wearing a cartoon-festooned kimono I’d bought at San Diego Comic-Con I ran into a Japanese woman wearing the same thing. 9 Nov

I dreamt I was hanging with K. Tempest Bradford when something I don’t really remember happened with shotguns. We both ducked, and were OK. 8 Nov

I dreamt my car was stuck in a field where two giant lizards — or were they tiny dinosaurs? — took down and devoured a goat. I was next. 8 Nov

I dreamt I wandered a mall taking target practice with a machine gun, and no one minded in the least. It was the expected thing to do. 7 Nov

I dreamt I handed out sacks containing PB&Js to beginning writers, which pleased them because it was the favorite meal of a famous author. 7 Nov

I dreamt I was at a department store with Mary Robinette Kowal buying shoes, and was tempted to also buy a life-sized blue glass whale. 7 Nov

I dream I was making a science fiction movie that was running short of money for special effects, and Mark Cuban volunteered to fund it all. 7 Nov

I dreamt a stereotypical dream — I raced for a train, but the faster I tried to run the slower I moved and the further the station receded. 7 Nov

I dreamt my father was still alive and searching for a particular paperclip, but I was too ashamed to admit I had borrowed and lost it. 6 Nov

I dreamt I trudged across an island, and was slowed by a section of hip-deep snow. I continued, but woke before I made it to the lighthouse. 6 Nov

I dreamt I watched a tiny bug swallow a larger bug thousands of times its size. But it was cute, not gross, because these were cartoon bugs. 5 Nov

I dreamt I was berated for my behavior by a friend who accused me of mistreating her for years — but we’d only known each other for weeks! 5 Nov

I dreamt I went to my local theater for the new Alien movie. But inside, I was instead trapped in a lecture about psychological experiments. 5 Nov

I dreamt I ran through NYC streets trying to get to the Griffin Theater before curtain. But why was a con badge flapping against my chest? 5 Nov

I dreamt I swam, sometimes in a pool with no end, sometimes in the ocean, while having a discussion about writing with a disembodied voice. 4 Nov

I dreamt my son and I were running late to get to a movie on time, so we lay on our backs and zoomed to the theater via rocket luge. 4 Nov

I’ve lost one of last night’s dreams, because though I scribbled down the words “dark road wear visor,” I have no idea what any of it MEANS. 3 Nov

I dreamt I tried to leave a hospital, but Nurse Ratched refused to let me go. Then Jay Leno rammed a bed with a dwarf in it into the wall. 3 Nov

I dreamt I drove up to a roadblock made entirely of bound galleys, then talked with the two woman there about how we HAD to know each other. 3 Nov

I dreamt I slowly made my way up a snowy mountain, first on foot, then pedaling one of those tiny bicycles like the kid rode in The Shining. 3 Nov

I dreamt that while a car circled about me at high speed, Mark Wahlberg shouted at me from somewhere to shoot out its windows. So I did. 2 Nov

I dreamt I walked with my kid, and was scared because he sang a song he’d heard at home that could give away that we were revolutionaries. 2 Nov