Here are all of my April 2010 dream tweets, collected in one place because they seem so much more bizarre when piled one atop the other this way. (But also because it’s so much easier to determine—according to Patrick Nielsen Hayden’s theory—which of you are now eligible for SFWA membership.)

Welcome to another month my my surreal subconscious.

I dreamt that Alex Irvine called to tell me he was getting married, which seemed weird because … in real life, he already is. Isn’t he? 8:24 AM Apr 30th

I dreamt I discovered a huge Jack Kirby Tarzan pencil drawing in my art collection, and then searched fruitlessly for matting material. 8:19 AM Apr 30th

I dreamt a writer friend of mine called to tell me that his Hulk miniseries had finally been made, and would air from 2:00-8:00 this Sunday. 8:14 AM Apr 30th

I dreamt I watched Head Over Keels, a B&W movie starring Brando, Borgnine, and Muni as three Navy guys trying to get to a Sinatra concert. 8:12 AM Apr 30th

I dreamt I interviewed an old woman on how her famous actress sister got started. She said it was by sending in Bugs Bunny cartoon ideas. 8:08 AM Apr 30th

I dreamt a Glee/American Idol mashup in which the characters competed in front of the judges. Sadly, I had no memory of the songs on waking. 8:51 AM Apr 29th

I dreamt I wandered out barefoot into deep snow wearing just a bathrobe. Confused cows wandered up to look at me as I stumbled farther away. 8:44 AM Apr 29th

I dreamt I was at a banquet where the Oscars were being handed out, and sat with Harrison Ford. He was, surprisingly, smiling and friendly. 8:40 AM Apr 29th

I dreamt my ship was rammed by another because we wouldn’t let its passengers board. I escaped — with my lifesized statue of Cory Doctorow. 8:36 AM Apr 29th

I dreamt I was in a Law & Order courtroom as a trial went bad. As Det. Lupo was dragged away, I ran off to tell Lt. Van Buren and get help. 8:33 AM Apr 28th

I dreamt I got home to my NY apartment, looked out from the balcony and thought: Where’s all the green? I hope this is a dream. Then I woke. 8:29 AM Apr 28th

I dreamt I was driving home from a Jeep museum, fingers so coated with BBQ sauce I used my elbows to drive. But I couldn’t remember eating! 8:25 AM Apr 28th

I dreamt I’d been cast in Seinfeld, and we were filming one of show’s first scenes — Jerry, George, Kramer … and me. I’d replaced Elaine! 8:22 AM Apr 28th

I dreamt I wrestled Chris Jericho, but instead of being inside the squared circle, we were above it on pendulums moving together then apart. 8:17 AM Apr 28th

I dreamt I stopped at a crowded Schwan’s truck to buy three gallons of ice cream, and when I turned away to head home — my car was gone! 8:17 AM Apr 27th

I dreamt I worked for Tony Soprano and talked to a possible new Family member in such code even _I_ wasn’t sure what we were talking about. 8:19 AM Apr 26th

I dreamt Neil Gaiman handed me his glass of scotch so he could sign autographs, then ran off, leaving me to carry it as I wandered the con. 8:13 AM Apr 26th

I dreamt an alien was smuggling a formula in a cake and no one understood how, until I realized the answer only came from it being digested. 9:00 AM Apr 25th

I dreamt I watched Tiger Woods show off by deliberately screwing up swings in ways only he could recover from, which angered the crowd. 8:54 AM Apr 25th

I dreamt a shapeshifter was loose in a large theater, and though I screamed for lights to be brought up, no one listened. Crunching ensued. 8:50 AM Apr 25th

I dreamt HS pal Seth Marmor was coming for a visit, but when he called to be picked up, my iPhone mapping software failed. It always does. 8:47 AM Apr 25th

I dreamt I’d re-cut a bad sci-fi movie into a _good_ bad sci-fi movie, and projected it onto a high-school gym wall as an audience gathered. 8:02 AM Apr 24th

I dreamt I worked for the San Francisco Examiner, had written and somehow published an expose of the owners, and was waiting to get fired. 7:58 AM Apr 24th

I dreamt that Paul Di Filippo dropped by to pick up some luggage, after which we walked back from our house to his. All 449 miles of it. 8:18 AM Apr 23rd

I dreamt Lucius Shepard and I invented Formica, and after rapping our knuckles on a countertop we installed, headed for a celebratory drink. 8:14 AM Apr 23rd

I dreamt I watched old film of confused young children reading “Death of a Saleman” and then complaining directly to Arthur Miller about it. 8:11 AM Apr 23rd

I dreamt we moved to Park Slope and painted our brownstone grasshopper (the drink, not the insect) color. Sadly, someone then grafittied it. 8:06 AM Apr 23rd

I dreamt I rolled on a wheelchair through a bookstore, its shelves filled with portfolios of Jeff Jones art and reprints of early Marvels. 8:16 AM Apr 22nd

I dreamt that while I was trying to concentrate on college homework, Will Ferrell ran around our dorm screaming loudly about his testicles. 8:13 AM Apr 22nd

I dreamt I was bussing tables at a banquet with Peter Straub. It took effort not to steal one of the sturdy steak knives. I wanted it! 8:27 AM Apr 21st

I dreamt I wandered a room filled with fake antique tin toys, manufactured today to appear ancient. I tried and failed to figure out why. 8:22 AM Apr 21st

I dreamt I was BBQ-ing chicken over coals spread out on the inside of a metal trash-can lid as others in a post-apocalyptic world looked on. 8:30 AM Apr 20th

I dreamt I was on a mission with FlashForward’s two lead FBI agents. I recall nothing but speeding cars, blazing guns, deafening explosions. 7:12 AM Apr 19th

I dreamt that as I acted as a Worldcon Toastmaster, John Pomeranz walked across the stage pretending to dribble an imaginary basketball. 7:36 AM Apr 18th

I dreamt I wandered an auction of clothing belonging to past Readercon GOHs with Gordon Van Gelder. The wild suits were worth of Prince! 7:13 AM Apr 18th

I dreamt quickly growing roots choked off our street so there was no way in or out. I couldn’t keep up with them, not even with my chainsaw. 7:22 AM Apr 17th

I dreamt Allan Grosman, the Best Man at my wedding, showed up to surprise me. He was also visiting his mother, who in the dream still lived. 7:17 AM Apr 17th

I dreamt I bumped into Marv Wolfman in a garage. He’d not only dyed both his hair and beard blonde, but he was also wearing a leisure suit. 7:15 AM Apr 17th

I dreamt an editor I didn’t know showed me an anthology I’d never heard of containing a story I didn’t remember writing. Its title? “Bones” 7:10 AM Apr 17th

I dreamt I was a teacher with a student who’d received a death threat, and after hurrying my class to safety, I headed off to confront him. 7:11 AM Apr 16th

I dreamed I appeared in an SNL skit with Jason Sudeikis and accidently dropped the F-bomb as he talked to the ghost of Nancy Reagan. 7:04 AM Apr 16th

I dreamt I was waiting in a line, holding a huge new Jack Kirby artbook. At the head of the line? Kirby himself, alive, signing autographs. 6:56 AM Apr 16th

I dreamt Irene and I were moving from Brooklyn to Manhattan, and as a cab came for us, I found a broken guitar and swore I’d learn to play. 6:53 AM Apr 16th

I dreamt I was Stephen Colbert’s sidekick, and sat with him at the piano as we sang a duet while that episode’s guest was forced to watch. 6:51 AM Apr 16th

I dreamt I wandered the recent WHC2010, and as the mazelike hotel emptied amd the con wound down, Pat Cadigan and I sang “Auld Lang Syne.” 8:08 AM Apr 15th

I dreamt I was in a crowded hotel that mistakenly booked three concurrent cons — SF, Tea Party and the Chinese government. Hilarity ensued. 8:34 AM Apr 13th

I dreamt I was partying at a con with Mike Marano, and we made so much noise we woke Craig Engler, who came out of his room in silk pajamas. 8:21 AM Apr 9th

I dreamt that while talking to Amelia Beamer about zombies, I placed my zombie collection next to her zombie novel so they could talk, too. 8:18 AM Apr 9th

I dreamt I was Barack Obama, paying a surprise visit to a business. The receptionist didn’t recognize me, and asked what company I was with. 8:18 AM Apr 8th

I dreamt I visited a high-school friend, and brought my passport (filled with old photos, not stamps) to remind her what I’d looked like. 8:13 AM Apr 8th

I dreamt I visited John Kessel, whose apartment ceiling was so low we spent our time walking around hunched over as in Being John Malkovich. 8:08 AM Apr 8th

I dreamt I was with others in post-apocalyptic Manhattan turning rubble into farmland, planting crops in the shadows of crumbling towers. 8:41 AM Apr 7th

I dreamt I was flipping through an issue of Space & Time with David Barr Kirtley as we critiqued the illos and decided which we liked best. 8:38 AM Apr 7th

I dreamt I was being driven through NY in a limo, then walking in a parade, then eating hors d’oeuvres. Only I wasn’t me. I was Spike Lee. 8:34 AM Apr 7th

I dreamt that in a far future post-apocalyptic world, restoring order to the U.S. was left up to me … and Snuffy Smith. Oh, the horror! 8:32 AM Apr 6th

I dreamt Marlon Brando visited, and though he’d agreed to sign one autograph, he acted annoyed as I handed him my VHS box for The Godfather. 8:30 AM Apr 6th

I dreamt I was trapped on a massive cruise ship tossed about in stormy seas, bemoaning the fact that I hadn’t booked with Lindblad instead. 8:26 AM Apr 6th

I dreamt that two furry caterpillars had found their way into my office, and instead of slowly crawling, they zoomed about at superspeed. 8:23 AM Apr 6th

I dreamt I stood in a crowd next to Ronald Reagan as he knelt and flipped through his White House appointment log, unsurprised he was alive. 8:21 AM Apr 6th

I dreamt I was a doctor discharging a 100-year-old from the hospital and feeling pleased, until I saw a dead plant and realized: He’ll die. 8:05 AM Apr 5th

I dreamt Irene and I had news so important to tell our friends we gathered them all in one place. But I can’t remember what that news was. 7:59 AM Apr 5th

I dreamt I snuck across the Mexican border with True Blood’s Jason Stackhouse to steal a car from the U.S., only to find we’d been set up. 8:08 AM Apr 4th

I dreamt Patrick Lee was trying to convince the musical group Heart to make a public appearance on behalf of SCI FI Wire. Why? No idea! 8:04 AM Apr 4th

I dreamt Doug Fratz tried to serve me with a subpoena to testify in an upcoming computer hacking trial, and when I ran, he had to chase me. 7:57 AM Apr 4th

I dreamt I took the stage at the upcoming Nebula Awards to present a trophy to Adam-Troy Castro, which confused him, as he wasn’t nominated. 7:55 AM Apr 4th

I dreamt I ran across some Metal Men comics, only instead of the actual ones published by DC, these were previously unknown Gold Key issues. 7:50 AM Apr 4th

I dreamt I was helping Christopher and Adrianna from The Sopranos beat up someone who’d rubbed them the wrong way. I have no idea why. 7:45 AM Apr 4th

I dreamt a woman tried to mug me, but I laughed, because soldiers were approaching. When they arrived, she turned into pro wrestler Chyna. 6:27 AM Apr 1st

I dreamt I was Spider-Man, and as a huge building started to crumble above the heads of a crowd, I wove a web umbrella to shield us. 6:24 AM Apr 1st

I dreamt I was browsing an Apple store when a customer who’d gotten his hands on an iPad raved about it and made the rest of us jealous. 6:23 AM Apr 1st

I dreamt that MODOK had channelled his consciousness into Reed Richards’ body, and I was battling to help Mr. Fantastic get his body back. 6:20 AM Apr 1st