It’s that time again, though slightly delayed by our Machu Picchu trip. Let’s see what poetry last month’s dreams might achieve when my daily tweets are gathered together in one place.

April’s night-time guest stars included Woody Allen, Paul Witcover, Stubby Kaye, Nick Nolte, Tom Disch, Gene Wolfe, and … well, you’ll see.

APRIL 2012

I dreamt I was on a bus heading toward Machu Picchu. Oddly, the mountains were as snowy as Everest. Good thing I’ll find out for real soon! 28 Apr

I dreamt an actor took ill in a Shakespearean play my friend Allan was directing, and I had to suddenly fill in. Also subbing — Janis Ian. 27 Apr

I dreamt I woke from a nap in my 1976-1982 Brooklyn apt., sunlight streaming through the windows. But when was it? I reached for my iPad! 26 Apr

I dreamt @Annaleen and I were walking across the Golden Gate Bridge on the way to our jobs as copywriters at Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce. 26 Apr

I dreamt I wandered Avenue P with Irene, pointing out all that changed since I was a kid. But then I blinked, and everything was as it was. 25 Apr

I dreamt I searched for someone in a hospital along with @EllenDatlow. Don’t remember who we were looking for but we never found him or her. 25 Apr

I dreamt I delivered a satchel filled with cash, and once I made the handover, was accused of stealing one of the $10,000 bundles. I hadn’t. 24 Apr

I dreamt old friend Kate Stone handed me a file to underwrite a mortgage application, and I thought — do I still remember how to do that? 24 Apr

I dreamt I followed deer tracks along the soggy bottom of a riverbed … until the water rose and the tracks could no longer be seen. 24 Apr

I dreamt I was an old black man interviewing black kids while Woody Allen watched through one-way glass deciding which to cast in new movie. 24 Apr (more…)

Another month is over, which means it’s time to gather all of the previous month’s dreams and see whether anything is gained by letting them rub up against each other. March’s guest stars included James Earl Jones, George R. R. Martin, Jorge Garcia, Harlan Ellison, Jesse Jackson … and maybe you.

MARCH 2012

I dreamt I sat with @ColleenLindsay (and forgotten others) on a large sectional couch made of pancakes, discussing the future of publishing. 31 Mar

I dreamt I was in a vast NYC lobby when there were shouts about a woman being kidnapped. I tackled and pinned the guy until police arrived. 28 Mar

I dreamt I worked at Newsweek, and the editors grew angry with me when I appeared on the cover wearing a hoodie. Not sure what it all meant. 28 Mar

I dreamt I tried unsuccessfully to calm my (nonexistent in real life) teen daughter, upset I’d read some of her stories without permission. 27 Mar

I dreamt I fried a veal chop in oil while Woody Harrelson critiqued my every move, telling me I wasn’t showing enough respect for the veal. 26 Mar

I dreamt of bunch of Amish guys had cleared the land across the way and were constructing a subdivision … which meant it was time to move. 25 Mar

I dreamt the world went all post-apocalyptic. As I made a run for it, I grabbed my uke, which seems odd, since I’ve only had it four months. 24 Mar

I dreamt that after using a steampunk samurai sword to dispatch assassins by my mailbox, then came the hard part — disposing of the bodies. 24 Mar

Some of last night’s dreams are but fragments: dropping an expensive camera in a rushing river (but where and why?); The Rock (doing what?) 23 Mar

I dreamt I was with Jorge Garcia as he had his first meal at a rib joint he’d just invested in. (Though maybe I _was_ Jorge Garcia. Unsure.) 23 Mar (more…)

February is dead and buried, so it’s time to gather up that month’s dreams and see whether anything useful comes out of letting them rub up against each other.

My dreamworld visitors included Ray Bradbury, Katee Sackhoff, Chip Delany, Orson Welles, and many other names you might recognize.

And for those who’ve asked, as they’ve seen these dreams flit by over on Twitter, whether I really dream this much … yes, yes I do. I always have, and I hope I always will.

FEBRUARY 2012

I dreamt I arrived at my Jeep with a platter of pastries for Marie Severin to find two guys attempting to break in. So I chased them off. 29 Feb

I dreamt David Kyle handed over to me film canisters given to him by Fred Pohl, which turned out to be experimental movies by Chip Delany. 28 Feb

I dreamt I clumsily navigated crowded dealers room aisles while lugging half a dozen stuffed shopping bags in each hand. It wasn’t pretty. 28 Feb

I dreamt that to escape an island on which I’d shipwrecked, I crawled through caverns in total darkness for days to retrieve a special moss. 28 Feb

I dreamt Irene drove up to the house in a brand new silver Cadillac, causing me to think — Wow, she went ahead and bought a car without me? 25 Feb

I dreamt I was Stephen Colbert running alongside a dwarf in an Uncle Sam suit. My subconscious apologizes to little people everywhere. 25 Feb

I dreamt that, having received an email from Walter Cronkite in the morning and Ray Bradbury in the afternoon, I was feeling VERY pleased. 25 Feb

I dreamt I was The Mentalist‘s Patrick Jane, hosting a seance to reveal a killer. As part of my ploy, the room suddenly filled with flames. 25 Feb

I dreamt my ukulele teacher was also a marriage counselor, and because he double booked, my lesson took place while a couple complained. 24 Feb

I dreamt I hung out with Brooklyn pals, touring the interiors of those beautiful old timey movie palaces which no longer exist in real life. 23 Feb (more…)

Now that January is over, it’s time (as usual) to assemble my dream tweets and see whether they gain any meaning from rubbing up against each other in one spot. My guest stars this month included Willard Scott, the parents from The Wonder Years, Woody Allen, John Kessel, Rick Perry, Woozy Winks, Keanu Reeves, and maybe you.

Let’s see, shall we?

JANUARY 2011

I dreamt I was at Shopsins and saw Mark Evanier at the next table, who wanted to know if I was was in town to see the restored Godfather 31 Jan

I dreamt I headed home from an office, and when I got in the elevator, realized, “Hey! I’m barefoot!” So I ran back to my desk for my shoes. 31 Jan

I dreamt I slipped a computer box over my hand and my arm transformed into Thor’s hammer, which I pounded while declaring, “I’m not worthy!” 30 Jan

I dreamt the bus I rode on was taken hostage, which happened so often it came equipped with board games to play until ransom could be paid. 30 Jan

I dreamt I wandered city streets at 2:00 a.m. looking for a decent restaurant, and couldn’t get Yelp to work. Tech always fails me in dream. 30 Jan

I dreamt two friends returned from a midnight visit to Mexico scraped up and with torn clothing, and as they cleaned up, I was very jealous. 30 Jan

I dreamt that as I explained to Rick Perry where his campaign went wrong, he draped an arm on my shoulders and lectured me condescendingly. 29 Jan

I dreamt that after a hoop-skirted woman had to pull a gun on an evil mining boss, I was called in as a union organizer to shake things up. 29 Jan

I dreamt I was visiting friends in China when my brother tried to videochat with me via Google+, but as in all my dreams, technology failed. 29 Jan

I dreamt that as I interviewed Woody Allen at his parents’ apartment, I suddenly realized … Gee, it might be a good idea to record this. 28 Jan (more…)

I usually tweet my dreams, but I was visited by two last night which could not be contained in 140 characters.

First …

I dreamt I was in prison, presumably on some sort of cultural or educational visit, because when alarms went off and the place went into lockdown, I was hustled into a small library-like room, and once I got there I found the same had been done with Neil Gaiman and a woman I didn’t recognize.

As the three of us waited for the emergency to be declared over, a gate popped open, and I knew that wasn’t a good thing, because it would allow the rioting prisoners to reach us. But before that could happen, we were rescued by The Question.

After saving us, I showed him that I had a souvenir pen with his name on it in my jacket pocket. I told him I was a big fan of his. He said he was a fan on mine, too, and liked my zombie stories. I woke as we discussed the aftermath of what had occurred.

Then … (more…)

I dreamt I was at a Cory Doctorow reading, and Cory came up to where I was seated and handed me a medicine bottle filled with pills. And because it was Cory, I downed them all. But then I looked down at the empty bottle suspiciously, wondering what I’d just done. There was no label on the bottle to tell me what I’d ingested, however.

“Trust me,” he said.

And because it was Cory, I did.

He them brought over a laptop device a few feet square, bristling with glowing vacuum tubes, but still light enough to rest on my knees. He slipped headphones around my ears, plugged them into the machine, then plugged in a microphone as well and handed it to me.

He told me I should begin to wail.

Before I could, however, he asked if he could borrow my phone. He was disappointed to see when I handed it to him that it was an iPhone. But not disappointed in the way you’d expect Cory to be upon seeing an Apple product. Instead, he asked me, “Why don’t you have the most powerful device?”

“I don’t need the most powerful device,” I said. “I just have what I need to do the job.”

I saw the sadness in Cory’s eyes, so added: “Look, I can cut up a board with a saw or a nuke. But I don’t need a nuke when I can get away with the saw.”

“Nukes are cool,” he said.

I agreed.

And then I woke, never finding out what chemical wonders awaited me from the drugs, or what technological marvels would occur were I ever to get the chance to wail into that microphone.

So who and what did I dream about during the month of December? Harvested from my Twitter stream are George R. R. Martin, Harrison Ford, Bill Gaines, porcupines hurled through the air by trebuchets, Agent Nelson Van Alden, an imploding apartment building, and more.

And who knows … maybe you’re in there somewhere, too!

DECEMBER 2010

I’ve lost a dream, since I no longer know what this scrawled night note means: “librarian complain me not donating ALL letters.” Any ideas? 31 Dec

I dreamt I was chef Janette Desautel from HBO’s Treme, whipping up a storm in the kitchen and then breaking to taste what others had done. 30 Dec

I dreamt I had a conversation with a relative filled with so many malapropisms and spoonerisms that I had no idea what he was talking about. 30 Dec

I dreamt I went to an experimental Scandinavian art installation and spent half an hour staring at a screen before I was told it was broken. 30 Dec

I dreamt I got a job as a political strategist at the White House, and my entire first day was spent in figuring where my office should be. 30 Dec

As usual, a night in a hotel destroyed my dream memories. Only snippets remain — so I have no idea what Don Draper was trying to sell me. 29 Dec

I dreamt we were on the top floor of an apartment building about to implode, and as we started to pancake, I shouted for Irene to go limp. 27 Dec

I dreamt my mother had a boyfriend — the rapper Young Jeezy — and we chatted, trying to get comfortable with the new, strange situation. 27 Dec

I dreamt I ran around a castle trying to catch a chicken in a royal game, and once I did, lay down with it on my chest to protest the king. 27 Dec

I dreamt I was a low level flunky for a mob boss, and it was my job to slip a tracer into the shoes of a yakuza when he wasn’t wearing them. 26 Dec (more…)

A new month has begun, so as usual, it’s time to gather together my dream tweets of the previous month to see whether they gain any added value from rubbing up against each other. Guest starring in November were celebrities I’ve never met, such as Steve Tyler, Mandy Patinkin, Heather Morrison, and John Goodman, plus friends like Geoff Landis, Cory Doctorow, Stan Robinson and Mary Robinette Kowal.

And who knows? Maybe you, too.

Check out what my subconscious delivered.

NOVEMBER 2011

I dreamt I was a Revolutionary War artist, advising a promising young woman. A flash forward revealed she would become great and famous. 30 Nov

I dreamt we were house hunting, and found a lovely place to live, except for the fact there weren’t enough outlets, which was disappointing. 30 Nov

I dreamt I was being held hostage until a sonic bomb went off that blew out the eardrums of my captors without affecting me, and I escaped. 30 Nov

I lost a dream because I no longer know what this middle-of-the-night note means: “too many smokers unlivable—cross street [illegible]” 29 Nov

I dreamt my son and I performed parkour on an alien world, eventually ending up by a replicator so massive it was used to create spaceships. 29 Nov

I dreamt my father and I were in China surrounded by pyramids of dim sum. He seemed tired, so I offered to serve him, but he helped himself. 29 Nov

I dreamt my name popped up on several suspicious persons lists, and I was being hunted by (and successfully eluding) Mandy Patinkin in NYC. 29 Nov

I dreamt Geoff Landis was visiting, rehearsing his presentation for a patent application he needed to make in person. And I gave him tips. 28 Nov

I dreamt I ran into Walter Jon Williams, then saw Stan Robinson and Melinda Snodgrass. “Is there a con going on I don’t know about?” I said. 28 Nov

I dreamt I found a gumball machine into which I could insert a huge Mercury Head dime and get two or one or none in return. I won 50 cents! 28 Nov (more…)

October was a rather light month in terms of my dream life—or should I say, my remembered dream life—because I’ve always understood that we all have dreams whether we remember them or not. In any case, three consecutive weekends of travel—Capclave, followed by a trip with Irene to her NJ Romance Writers Convention, after which I headed to San Diego for World Fantasy Con—meant there were an awful lot of mornings during which, when I’d wake, I could feel the dreams slip away.

Here’s what remained.

Special guests this month include Martin Scorsese, Rick Grimes, Andy Rooney, Sean McNamara, Paul Di Filippo—and maybe you.

October 2011 Dream Tweets

I dreamt I lived in the rental apartment at which our landlord insisted we no longer use our lawnmower on the carpets. So I broke the lease. 31 Oct

I dreamt Cap’n Crunch fell from a great height, and I stood over his lifeless form crying for him to get up. But the Cap’n was dead. 29 Oct

I dreamt I attended a wedding ceremony performed entirely in Hebrew, understood nothing, and felt like a bad Jew. Well, until the food came. 28 Oct

I dreamt The Office’s Dwight Schrute gave me relationship advice on how best to get along with Irene, and I was wise enough to ignore it. 28 Oct

I dreamt I was hanging around a humongous BBQ grill with The Walking Dead’s Rick Grimes and chatting about how life used to be. 28 Oct

I dreamt I returned from a visit to an alternate universe and was desperately trying to blow up the portal before anyone could follow me. 26 Oct

I dreamt that during a banquet at Irene’s romance writer conference I tried to help our waitress clear the table and only made things worse. 25 Oct

I dreamt I messed up telling Richard Lupoff how much I looked forward to his new novel by misdescribing the ending of his previous book. 25 Oct

I dreamt my son wouldn’t move to a rural area because it would be difficult without a car to carry soda. I said I’d ship him all he needed. 25 Oct

I dreamt I read a letter in the local paper from a woman advocating a ban on synagogues. Irene told me it’d never pass, but I still worried. 25 Oct (more…)

It’s that time again! Another month is over, and so it’s time to gather all of September’s dream tweets and see whether they create any interesting friction rubbing up against each other.

Last month, I dreamt of Katherine Hepburn, Steve Carell, and Richard Pryor, as well as Ellen Datlow, Gardner Dozois, and F. Paul Wilson … and perhaps you.

September 2011

I dreamt I was on a grand jury investigating suspicious activity and said, hey, if this guy deserves to be arrested, I should be arrested. 30 Sep

I dreamt I was on a losing softball team and when it came time to shake hands, I saw one of my opponents had been a Waltons-era Ralph Waite. 30 Sep

I dreamt I was mowing our lawn with a mower made out of a old Mercedes-Benz, a very fancy lawn mower indeed. 30 Sep

I dreamt I looked outside and saw that to surprise me Irene had spread a carpet of Little Caesars pizza boxes stretching as far I could see. 30 Sep

I woke from a nightmare in which I was missing and Irene and her best friend couldn’t find me even though I repeatedly shouted, “Over here!” 28 Sep

I dreamt I was in a classroom with Adam-Troy Castro, who stunned me with his art by drawing a huge anti-bullying mural on the blackboard. 28 Sep

I dreamt I hired a taxi to take me to a casino 100 miles away, but my ride turned out to be just a bicycle with an exposed chair up front. 28 Sep

I dreamt I shared an office with my sister-in-law and an appraiser visited from Heritage Auctions to value our comics art collections. 28 Sep

I dreamt a courier’s briefcase, filled with coins, split open as he was crossing the street, spilling everywhere. So I helped scoop them up. 27 Sep

I dreamt I was a horribly inept waiter serving a young Richard Pryor and continually spilling food all over him in a slapstick kind of way. 27 Sep (more…)