I shared my favorite Worldcon moments the other day, but I know what you foodies out there really wanted to hear about was which casino in Reno made the best Awful Awful.

What’s an Awful Awful? A humongous burger that’s been made by two competing casinos in Reno since back before the Big Mac existed.

As those of you who attend conventions with me know, I get most of my food tips from the TV show Man v. Food, but since Adam Richman has yet to hit Reno, I had to instead base my excursions out of the convention center on the show Food Wars. Here’s the recent episode of that latter show that alerted me to the existence of these legendary burgers.

Before I get into the burgers themselves, check out how the two joints tout them with posters inside their casinos. On the left, The Little Nugget, and on the right, John Ascuaga’s Nugget.

But posters are one thing. Let’s see what the real thing looks like.

First, the Awful Awful at the Little Nugget, which is served with a pound of fries. You heard that right—a POUND of fries!

Then, the Awful Awful at John Ascuaga’s Nugget, which doesn’t try to outdo the Nugget when it comes to the fries. At least not the volume of them, anyway.

So … how do they compare?

Before we get to the burgers, let’s talk about the look of the restaurants. The Little Nugget wins hands down. It’s got the ambiance of a rundown ’50s dinner. And I don’t mean some modern retro diner created today to look like something old timey. No, its looks like a diner that was actually built back in the ’50s and has been operating continuously ever since without ever having been remodeled. It’s got atmosphere, whereas Rosie’s Cafe in John Ascuaga’s Nugget feels sterile, like an International House of Pancakes.

But none of that really matters when it comes to the burgers themselves, right? How do these bad boys taste?

I hate to say this, but a) there was no clear winner, and b) I was unimpressed, and quite surprised in retrospect that the celebrity judges of Food Wars went nuts over either of these burgers.

Here’s why—

The Little Nugget made the best patty, with tasty beef well cooked, which had a nice, crispy char to it. But the bun was unimpressive, and the fries, while plentiful, seemed bland.

The sandwich at John Ascuaga’s had an excellent bun, and a far better special sauce, but as for the patty itself—it was pedestrian, and might as well have been a Big Mac. And as far as I’m concerned, a Big Mac is no burger. It’s just one step above airplane food. But the fries, however, were excellent.

Which means if you took the patty from the Little Nugget and shoved it inside the sandwich from John Ascuaga’s, THEN you’d have something. If I’d had one more day in Reno, I might have even tried it. But …

… but …

… you STILL wouldn’t have anything as good as the Thurman Burger from Thurman’s Cafe in Columbus, Ohio, which I had a chance to taste while at last year’s World Fantasy Convention. The Thurman’s not just a great burger, it’s the orgasmic ideal of a burger.

Take a look.

What’s on a Thurman Burger? It’s got “ham, sautéed mushrooms & onions, mozzarella & American cheese, lettuce, tomato, pickle, banana peppers, and mayo”—and it’s the best damn burger I’ve ever eaten in my life.

Will someone please host another con in Columbus so I have an excuse to get myself another one of these babies?

Sorry, Reno … but Columbus still holds onto the burger crown!