I just woke from a bad dream about John Kessel, and now I can’t get back to sleep.

I was at a Nebula Awards ceremony, seated one table away from John. He was called upon to say a few words about science fiction poetry (and thinking about it now, I have no idea why, since there are so many other topics in which he’s more of an expert), but instead of rising and walking to the podium, he just sat there, mumbled a word or two, and fell silent. Maybe he’s forgotten his speech, I thought, and so with one of my feet, I slid over a copy of a recent volume of the Nebula Awards anthology which I just happened to have at the banquet and which just happened to have an essay of his in it. I figured it might remind him of what he wanted to say. But though I pushed the book at him, bumping it into one of his feet, he didn’t respond, and his chin dropped to his chest, and I got worried.

As the silence grew, and no one did anything, I got up and knelt by John, calling his name. He didn’t respond, and so I pressed my fingers against his throat, searching for a pulse. I waited, unsure whether I could feel anything. First I thought there was a pulse, then I thought there wasn’t. But in either case, since he wasn’t telling me to get my hand off his throat, I knew something was very wrong.

Strangely, no one else had yet taken any action (they all just sat there!), and I pulled John to the floor, stretched him out, and called for someone to get a doctor. I shouted John’s name over and over, thinking that I’d better start CPR, since no one else seemed to be doing anything. I kept shouting his name as I woke, and found myself in bed, thankful it was only a dream.

And then I lay there, thinking … even though it’s 4:45 a.m., and I need lots more sleep for the day to come, there’s no way I’m getting it now.

Until I thought … maybe if I wrote about the dream and shared it with you, my mood might pass, and I could fall back to sleep.

So that’s what I’m trying. I’ll let you know later if it works.

Meanwhile, I hope John’s okay. And I’m sure glad I don’t believe in omens.